Style takes time
By Bridgette Raes
A few weeks ago I got an email from one of my very first clients. This client and I worked together back in 2002 when we first started Bridgette Raes Style Group, and since then we have remained in contact. Getting this particular email, however, was particularly touching, It read:
"Reading your wonderful newsletter I realized that my wardrobe has morphed wonderfully with your tutelage. The more flattering colors and shapes are taking over! I have followed your principals as much as possible, with many mistakes... BUT, the end result is that a few years later I looked FABULOUS on a cruise in January, feel completely confident that I will look great visiting my son in St Croix next month. I am still working on finding the right winter pants, a raincoat, outer jackets and so on... but I am holding out for the right thing. Thank you. I don't even mind my mistakes that much... I just know what I will get rid of when I can acquire the right items! Yesterday I bought fabulous pale pink slip on flats for summer and know they will look great. In the past I would have stuck with black shoes."
The first thing that made me happy about what my client said was that even though it has been two years since we worked together, she is still stylish and able to pull herself together well. One of the key things that we strive for is a lasting and effective personal style transformation. Not being able to dress every one of my clients every morning, eventually I have to let them go to "fly on their own." Getting this email made me happy to know that this client is still looking fabulous, and everything she learned from working with me has continued to stick.
The second thing that I acknowledged from reading the above message was that developing a wonderful personal style is not an overnight transformation. Sure, many clients who work with me have the ability to plunk down a decent amount of money when shopping with me, and even though the results of working together are immediate, to completely and fully embrace a new style takes time. After reading the above message I thought it important to tell all of you this, because it is easy to get frustrated with our style, or to feel that we are not transforming quickly enough.
I call a client's personal style transformation becoming fluent in your own style. Just as becoming fluent in a language it takes time -- it is not an overnight process -- if you stick with it and trust, over time you will get it down pat. So even if you aren't a client of ours and you haven't reaped the benefits of one-on-one work, we thought that this week we would list some suggestions on how you can, over time, embrace your own personal style in ways that are lasting and effective. It is my hope that all of you reading this will have the same degree ofl success with your own personal style as our client above.
Tip #1- Forgive yourself
As my client said, even after working with me she made many mistakes. Mistakes are valuable lessons that we need in order to put us on the right track. As the saying goes, in order to figure out who you are, you often have to figure out first who you are not. Making a clothing mistake just reminds us of what isn't our style, or what isn't right for our bodies. Even I make a mistake from time to time with my wardrobe. I bring something home and quickly rethink my choice. Truthfully, this has happened only a handful of times over the past few years, but even I am not perfect.
When you do make an error, take some time to assess the mistake and learn from it. I often tell the following story when I speak: When I was just starting out as a designer, I had a job that required me to dress for work. Being in my very early 20's I didn't know much about my personal style, and I often looked to how others dressed in order to figure out what I should buy. I remember needing a few suits for work. I looked around at other women and noticed that many business women wear skirt suits, so I figured that I should get a skirt suit. I bought a lovely grey skirt suit and wore it once, and never wore it again.
Years later when I was cleaning my closet I looked at that skirt suit. There was dust on the shoulders of the jacket because I never wore it. Instead of just tossing it, I thought about why I never wore the suit. I realized that when I wear a skirt suit, I don't feel powerful. It isn't that I think skirt suits don't look powerful in general, many women do look powerful in a skirt suit, but I realized that personally I feel more powerful in pant suits. I never bought a skirt suit again, and have decided to stick with pant suits. Perhaps my feelings on this will change in the future, but for now I acknowledge my feelings and dress accordingly.
Assessing your mistakes and thanking them for sending you a message about what your personal style is (or isn't) will give you the power to make wiser decisions in the future.
Tip #2- Style is ever-evolving
Everyone's style flows with the times! If it didn't, we all wouldn't laugh at pictures of ourselves from ten years ago. There are people whose style doesn't change EVER and those are people who often look stagnant or stuck at another time in their life. Everyone's style needs to change so it stays in rhythm with the changes of life. Granted, I think at the core our style doesn't change that radically. I have always leaned towards a more classic style with a twist; however, how I dress that modern classic style has morphed plenty in the past years.
So, as a result, we are on a bit of a slippery slope when it comes to our own style. Just when we think we have it, our tastes change, our life changes or fashion in general changes. It often becomes a one-step-forward, two-steps-back feeling. So what can you do?
Try to identify your core style, that foundational personal style that, regardless of current trends, still identifies you. For example, my style is very classic, and as I have mentioned in articles past, I think Michael Kors should be sainted. Regardless of how I "ice the cake" (so to speak) with the fun stuff like a great handbag, a stunning pair of shoes or a cool top, my style is still very classic in nature.
By identifying your core style that remains consistent over the years, you have a foundation with which to start. You will become less frazzled when the trends evolve around you, navigating those trends with more confidence, assessing how exactly you can "ice" your core style with fringe. Doing this will also ensure that your style will remain true to who you are on the inside.
How can you find your core style? Look at your style over the past years. Have you been attracted to very avant garde things, or very classic things? Are you on the cutting edge of fashion, or do you like the classics that will remain for years to come? Identifying your core style takes you one very important step in the right direction.
Tip #3- Take the bad with the good
We often want to beat ourselves up when we make a fashion faux-pas. As it hangs in our closet as a glaring mistake, we often want to beat ourselves up for our erred judgment and what seems like wasted money. As my client said in her note to me, she doesn't mind when she purchases the wrong thing because she just knows that when she does find the right thing, she will get rid of the mediocre that isn't working.
I like to refer to these things as life-support items. Sure they aren't perfect, but they work. We all want to wave the magic wand and have the perfect wardrobe tomorrow, but the reality is that it seldom happens this way. Look at the life-support things in your closet and figure out what you can do with them while you are in the transition of finding the perfect things. I am always on the search for the perfect-fitting pair of pants, and in addition to losing a considerable amount of weight over the past year, many of the pants that I currently own aren't perfect winners. Do I still wear them even though they aren't exactly what I would want in my closet? Admittedly I do.
Being a business owner still growing a business, I don't always have the financial luxury of tossing everything in my closet that doesn't work! I wish I could, but this unfortunately isn't a reality. So I reserve my stunning pants for times that I know I must look impeccable, and hold the not-so-great for when I don't have to look perfect. For example, I have a great pair of jeans that I wear when I know I must look good, and my less well-fitting jeans have been relegated to errand running and laundry days. What I say may be riddled with contradiction, but let's get real, most of us don't live in a world where we can transform our wardrobes overnight. This is an ever evolving process, so by identifying what we would like to eventually get rid of and dog-earing them in our closet, we can create a wish list of things we need to concentrate on purchasing when we find them, or when the funds become available.
Tip #4 Give it time
Like playing an instrument or learning a language, developing a personal style that we love takes time. We want it overnight , but that just doesn't happen. Committing to focusing a little time on your personal style is the first step of a long journey of style transformation. Learn to love the process and the discovery of who you are and what you want to represent to others visually. When you make a great purchase or find something that is a home-run, acknowledge that it is another step in the right direction and that you are on your way! Truth is, we are never done perfecting our personal style, so if you look at it as a journey of self-discovery vs. being a one shot deal, it will loosen the expectations that you may have about what it means to be stylish.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
A few weeks ago I got an email from one of my very first clients. This client and I worked together back in 2002 when we first started Bridgette Raes Style Group, and since then we have remained in contact. Getting this particular email, however, was particularly touching, It read:
"Reading your wonderful newsletter I realized that my wardrobe has morphed wonderfully with your tutelage. The more flattering colors and shapes are taking over! I have followed your principals as much as possible, with many mistakes... BUT, the end result is that a few years later I looked FABULOUS on a cruise in January, feel completely confident that I will look great visiting my son in St Croix next month. I am still working on finding the right winter pants, a raincoat, outer jackets and so on... but I am holding out for the right thing. Thank you. I don't even mind my mistakes that much... I just know what I will get rid of when I can acquire the right items! Yesterday I bought fabulous pale pink slip on flats for summer and know they will look great. In the past I would have stuck with black shoes."
The first thing that made me happy about what my client said was that even though it has been two years since we worked together, she is still stylish and able to pull herself together well. One of the key things that we strive for is a lasting and effective personal style transformation. Not being able to dress every one of my clients every morning, eventually I have to let them go to "fly on their own." Getting this email made me happy to know that this client is still looking fabulous, and everything she learned from working with me has continued to stick.
The second thing that I acknowledged from reading the above message was that developing a wonderful personal style is not an overnight transformation. Sure, many clients who work with me have the ability to plunk down a decent amount of money when shopping with me, and even though the results of working together are immediate, to completely and fully embrace a new style takes time. After reading the above message I thought it important to tell all of you this, because it is easy to get frustrated with our style, or to feel that we are not transforming quickly enough.
I call a client's personal style transformation becoming fluent in your own style. Just as becoming fluent in a language it takes time -- it is not an overnight process -- if you stick with it and trust, over time you will get it down pat. So even if you aren't a client of ours and you haven't reaped the benefits of one-on-one work, we thought that this week we would list some suggestions on how you can, over time, embrace your own personal style in ways that are lasting and effective. It is my hope that all of you reading this will have the same degree ofl success with your own personal style as our client above.
Tip #1- Forgive yourself
As my client said, even after working with me she made many mistakes. Mistakes are valuable lessons that we need in order to put us on the right track. As the saying goes, in order to figure out who you are, you often have to figure out first who you are not. Making a clothing mistake just reminds us of what isn't our style, or what isn't right for our bodies. Even I make a mistake from time to time with my wardrobe. I bring something home and quickly rethink my choice. Truthfully, this has happened only a handful of times over the past few years, but even I am not perfect.
When you do make an error, take some time to assess the mistake and learn from it. I often tell the following story when I speak: When I was just starting out as a designer, I had a job that required me to dress for work. Being in my very early 20's I didn't know much about my personal style, and I often looked to how others dressed in order to figure out what I should buy. I remember needing a few suits for work. I looked around at other women and noticed that many business women wear skirt suits, so I figured that I should get a skirt suit. I bought a lovely grey skirt suit and wore it once, and never wore it again.
Years later when I was cleaning my closet I looked at that skirt suit. There was dust on the shoulders of the jacket because I never wore it. Instead of just tossing it, I thought about why I never wore the suit. I realized that when I wear a skirt suit, I don't feel powerful. It isn't that I think skirt suits don't look powerful in general, many women do look powerful in a skirt suit, but I realized that personally I feel more powerful in pant suits. I never bought a skirt suit again, and have decided to stick with pant suits. Perhaps my feelings on this will change in the future, but for now I acknowledge my feelings and dress accordingly.
Assessing your mistakes and thanking them for sending you a message about what your personal style is (or isn't) will give you the power to make wiser decisions in the future.
Tip #2- Style is ever-evolving
Everyone's style flows with the times! If it didn't, we all wouldn't laugh at pictures of ourselves from ten years ago. There are people whose style doesn't change EVER and those are people who often look stagnant or stuck at another time in their life. Everyone's style needs to change so it stays in rhythm with the changes of life. Granted, I think at the core our style doesn't change that radically. I have always leaned towards a more classic style with a twist; however, how I dress that modern classic style has morphed plenty in the past years.
So, as a result, we are on a bit of a slippery slope when it comes to our own style. Just when we think we have it, our tastes change, our life changes or fashion in general changes. It often becomes a one-step-forward, two-steps-back feeling. So what can you do?
Try to identify your core style, that foundational personal style that, regardless of current trends, still identifies you. For example, my style is very classic, and as I have mentioned in articles past, I think Michael Kors should be sainted. Regardless of how I "ice the cake" (so to speak) with the fun stuff like a great handbag, a stunning pair of shoes or a cool top, my style is still very classic in nature.
By identifying your core style that remains consistent over the years, you have a foundation with which to start. You will become less frazzled when the trends evolve around you, navigating those trends with more confidence, assessing how exactly you can "ice" your core style with fringe. Doing this will also ensure that your style will remain true to who you are on the inside.
How can you find your core style? Look at your style over the past years. Have you been attracted to very avant garde things, or very classic things? Are you on the cutting edge of fashion, or do you like the classics that will remain for years to come? Identifying your core style takes you one very important step in the right direction.
Tip #3- Take the bad with the good
We often want to beat ourselves up when we make a fashion faux-pas. As it hangs in our closet as a glaring mistake, we often want to beat ourselves up for our erred judgment and what seems like wasted money. As my client said in her note to me, she doesn't mind when she purchases the wrong thing because she just knows that when she does find the right thing, she will get rid of the mediocre that isn't working.
I like to refer to these things as life-support items. Sure they aren't perfect, but they work. We all want to wave the magic wand and have the perfect wardrobe tomorrow, but the reality is that it seldom happens this way. Look at the life-support things in your closet and figure out what you can do with them while you are in the transition of finding the perfect things. I am always on the search for the perfect-fitting pair of pants, and in addition to losing a considerable amount of weight over the past year, many of the pants that I currently own aren't perfect winners. Do I still wear them even though they aren't exactly what I would want in my closet? Admittedly I do.
Being a business owner still growing a business, I don't always have the financial luxury of tossing everything in my closet that doesn't work! I wish I could, but this unfortunately isn't a reality. So I reserve my stunning pants for times that I know I must look impeccable, and hold the not-so-great for when I don't have to look perfect. For example, I have a great pair of jeans that I wear when I know I must look good, and my less well-fitting jeans have been relegated to errand running and laundry days. What I say may be riddled with contradiction, but let's get real, most of us don't live in a world where we can transform our wardrobes overnight. This is an ever evolving process, so by identifying what we would like to eventually get rid of and dog-earing them in our closet, we can create a wish list of things we need to concentrate on purchasing when we find them, or when the funds become available.
Tip #4 Give it time
Like playing an instrument or learning a language, developing a personal style that we love takes time. We want it overnight , but that just doesn't happen. Committing to focusing a little time on your personal style is the first step of a long journey of style transformation. Learn to love the process and the discovery of who you are and what you want to represent to others visually. When you make a great purchase or find something that is a home-run, acknowledge that it is another step in the right direction and that you are on your way! Truth is, we are never done perfecting our personal style, so if you look at it as a journey of self-discovery vs. being a one shot deal, it will loosen the expectations that you may have about what it means to be stylish.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
posted by Unknown @ 4:19 PM
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