Style Yourself With Confidence
By Bridgette Raes
Many of my clients tell me that they hire me because they just want to know for certain that their choices are right. Many of them are quickly pleased to know that they are making the correct choices after I have validated their decisions. However, I understand their position; when we aren’t sure we usually want an expert opinion, just to be certain. So I gave some thought to some my clients' common pitfalls, areas where they find themselves unsure. I have listed them here in hopes that, even if you aren’t a personal client of ours, you can learn to style yourself with confidence.
#1 - Don’t buy the illusion
My sister is now a mother of two. When she had her first child I think she immediately figured that her style needed to change to something more mom-appropriate. She wasn’t wrong in her assumption - with a lifestyle adjustment (especially having children) a woman’s style usually undergoes dramatic change. But just like many new moms, women in general tend to swing the pendulum way over to the other side before finding a comfortable balance.
I also find this is to be the case with my clients over the age of fifty. Some believe that there is an “expected” way for a woman to dress while she embraces a new chapter in her life. Many clients hitting a milestone make the automatic assumption that there is a set, more mature way that they “have” to look in order to embrace the change, and oftentimes they let go of their personal self and style as a result.
The key to dressing with confidence when you reach any milestone in your life is to not let go of yourself, and to recognize that what is right for you may not be right for someone else, and that there is no uniform style that every woman needs to follow.
So how can you ensure that you are powerfully embracing a change or transition while not letting go of who you are and your individual style? For starters, don’t buy the societal message that you "should" look a certain way for approval. I am often amazed that many of my clients over fifty purchase the exact sexy shoes that I would be inclined to buy, and I am also impressed by how many new moms accept their new mommy-role in an appropriately sexy manner. These clients have learned to acclimate their current style into the changes of their lives.
Never give up who you are or your style when embracing a new chapter in your life. It’s like accepting a new job that requires you to dress in a different manner. You wouldn’t give up your own style, you would simply modify it to fit into your new role, appropriate to the situation. Do my mom-clients wear the pointy kitten heels to the playground? Absolutely not, but they do wear them out to dinner with their husbands. And my clients embracing fifty may not feel comfortable wearing a tight mini skirt, but as they embrace their age they still know how to look powerfully sexy and confident in a way that works for their lifestyles.
Never hear yourself regrettfully saying regretfully, "Well, now my life is (fill in the blank) so I have to give up (fill in the blank) to look appropriate because society says so." Instead, as you embrace change think about how you can modify without compromise.
#2 - Trust your gut
It does take skill to do what I do, but often I find that my clients already have a pretty decent idea of the right choices for them. All they need is a little validation from me that they are, in fact, correct.
If you put something on and you feel good wearing it, chances are you are right. Now, there are "fashion nightmares" out there who are clueless, but in most cases if you are dressing with awareness and you see something that seems a bit off or "not quite right," trust your gut. You may not know in that moment how to make it right, but at least you know something is wrong.
When you put something on and it seems to look good, trust it. Again, your intuition is probably telling you that you are making a smart decision. After trying on a few pieces in a dressing room with a client, I often find they actually can be the ones who identify if a choice is the right one or not. They usually look to me for final validation or advice, but I am always impressed by their observations.
It is hard to trust our own impressions, especially when we are trying to transform our wardrobe or style. If you find yourself in this position, try to shop with a trusted friend who can give you great advice on the matter. Never bring someone with you whose taste you don’t admire. I recently had one client tell me that her friend hated a certain top that was in her wardrobe. What was interesting was that both my client and I liked the way it looked. Thankfully my client trusted her gut and decided to keep it! Always remember to consider the source when making a clothing choice based on someone else's recommendation. If you don’t like your friend’s style, what makes you think that she can make a better choice for you? And, while some sales associates are very qualified and helpful, when shopping with clients I rarely tell the sales associates who I am or what I do. I am often amazed by how contradictory the sales associates' opinions are to my own. If you are going to trust a sales associate, make sure you feel they are being honest with you. And this isn’t always just because they are trying to sell you something, either - I was seventeen when I started working retail and I sold wedding dresses. What the heck did I know about selling anyone a wedding dress? Sales help aren’t always the most style-capable, so ensure that you feel that they know what they are talking about.
#3 - Break free of your style funk with confidence
To know me is to know that I love a slim black turtleneck sweater. And I find that even I can get into a bit of a style rut with that very basic piece that goes with virtually everything. One thing I identified was that, for casual, I would always go back to my black turtleneck, a pair of jeans and a stunning pair of shoes. I realized that I needed an update.
We all have our basic stand-bys that we keep on call for a night out, an interview, etc. They are tried-and-true, and without a doubt we know that confidently they work. When breaking out of our style-norm it really does take an effort to stretch our wings a bit. So how can we do it with confidence?
Start slow. Many of my clients "throw out the baby with the bathwater" and go to the extreme with a change. One of my clients who had a very modern, classic professional style tried branching out into the feminine realm and fell flat on her face. This was because she swung that style-pendulum way too far and tried to embrace a style that she wasn’t comfortable with just yet. When I stepped in I saw her glaring mistake and showed her how to incorporate small feminine details to her more classic style. Doing it this way will help the process be a more comfortable one, vs. feeling that you don’t even recognize the woman wearing the outfit when you do branch out .
So how did I break free from my black turtleneck uniform? Well, I kept the jeans, which are a staple that I am comfortable with, and then added tops to my wardrobe that had an interesting cut and silhouette in fun colors that I liked. I still feel comfortable with my style of dress and it is still what I was used to, but now I have a bit more variety.
#4 - Shopping with rhyme and reason
The one word I hear more often from clients than any other is "consistency." Most of my clients are far from being fashion nightmares, however, they do wish they could be a bit more consistent with their winning outfits, instead of feeling like a good outfit is a small blip on their personal fashion radar.
One of the first ways to become more consistent is to start getting clear on what is going on with your wardrobe. Believe it or not, one of the best ways to know what to buy is to know first and foremost what is already going on. There are a lot of answers hanging right there in your closet that can give you the keys to a more consistent wardrobe.
The average woman wears 10% of her wardrobe 80% of the time. So take the 10% of what you are wearing and focus on that. Keep mental track of that 80% and take it with you when you go shopping. NEVER buy anything unless you know you can powerfully assimilate it back into your current wardrobe. Next, take that 10% of your wardrobe that you are wearing and think about the winning aspects of that wardrobe and solely focus on that part, acknowledging why it works. Many times we focus on beating ourselves up over what we aren’t wearing or the money we have wasted. Move on from your mistakes and focus on the winning pieces in your wardrobe. When you go shopping, build on those wins and add more of what is already working in your wardrobe, so you can add to your consistency.
Many women shop blindly; they don’t think about what they are going to do with the piece once they get it home, and then they beat themselves up for never wearing it. Shopping with consciousness takes a bit of effort in the beginning, but it is second nature for me now. I have often stood in a shoe store with a pair of shoes in my hand that I want, and I take a few seconds to review my current wardrobe to ensure that if I do buy the shoes they will get worn. It may make shopping a bit more formulaic at first, but in the long run you will get more wear out of what you buy, and you will be able to develop more consistency with your outfits because all your choices are supported.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Sign up for our weekly newsletter at www.bridgetteraes.com
Many of my clients tell me that they hire me because they just want to know for certain that their choices are right. Many of them are quickly pleased to know that they are making the correct choices after I have validated their decisions. However, I understand their position; when we aren’t sure we usually want an expert opinion, just to be certain. So I gave some thought to some my clients' common pitfalls, areas where they find themselves unsure. I have listed them here in hopes that, even if you aren’t a personal client of ours, you can learn to style yourself with confidence.
#1 - Don’t buy the illusion
My sister is now a mother of two. When she had her first child I think she immediately figured that her style needed to change to something more mom-appropriate. She wasn’t wrong in her assumption - with a lifestyle adjustment (especially having children) a woman’s style usually undergoes dramatic change. But just like many new moms, women in general tend to swing the pendulum way over to the other side before finding a comfortable balance.
I also find this is to be the case with my clients over the age of fifty. Some believe that there is an “expected” way for a woman to dress while she embraces a new chapter in her life. Many clients hitting a milestone make the automatic assumption that there is a set, more mature way that they “have” to look in order to embrace the change, and oftentimes they let go of their personal self and style as a result.
The key to dressing with confidence when you reach any milestone in your life is to not let go of yourself, and to recognize that what is right for you may not be right for someone else, and that there is no uniform style that every woman needs to follow.
So how can you ensure that you are powerfully embracing a change or transition while not letting go of who you are and your individual style? For starters, don’t buy the societal message that you "should" look a certain way for approval. I am often amazed that many of my clients over fifty purchase the exact sexy shoes that I would be inclined to buy, and I am also impressed by how many new moms accept their new mommy-role in an appropriately sexy manner. These clients have learned to acclimate their current style into the changes of their lives.
Never give up who you are or your style when embracing a new chapter in your life. It’s like accepting a new job that requires you to dress in a different manner. You wouldn’t give up your own style, you would simply modify it to fit into your new role, appropriate to the situation. Do my mom-clients wear the pointy kitten heels to the playground? Absolutely not, but they do wear them out to dinner with their husbands. And my clients embracing fifty may not feel comfortable wearing a tight mini skirt, but as they embrace their age they still know how to look powerfully sexy and confident in a way that works for their lifestyles.
Never hear yourself regrettfully saying regretfully, "Well, now my life is (fill in the blank) so I have to give up (fill in the blank) to look appropriate because society says so." Instead, as you embrace change think about how you can modify without compromise.
#2 - Trust your gut
It does take skill to do what I do, but often I find that my clients already have a pretty decent idea of the right choices for them. All they need is a little validation from me that they are, in fact, correct.
If you put something on and you feel good wearing it, chances are you are right. Now, there are "fashion nightmares" out there who are clueless, but in most cases if you are dressing with awareness and you see something that seems a bit off or "not quite right," trust your gut. You may not know in that moment how to make it right, but at least you know something is wrong.
When you put something on and it seems to look good, trust it. Again, your intuition is probably telling you that you are making a smart decision. After trying on a few pieces in a dressing room with a client, I often find they actually can be the ones who identify if a choice is the right one or not. They usually look to me for final validation or advice, but I am always impressed by their observations.
It is hard to trust our own impressions, especially when we are trying to transform our wardrobe or style. If you find yourself in this position, try to shop with a trusted friend who can give you great advice on the matter. Never bring someone with you whose taste you don’t admire. I recently had one client tell me that her friend hated a certain top that was in her wardrobe. What was interesting was that both my client and I liked the way it looked. Thankfully my client trusted her gut and decided to keep it! Always remember to consider the source when making a clothing choice based on someone else's recommendation. If you don’t like your friend’s style, what makes you think that she can make a better choice for you? And, while some sales associates are very qualified and helpful, when shopping with clients I rarely tell the sales associates who I am or what I do. I am often amazed by how contradictory the sales associates' opinions are to my own. If you are going to trust a sales associate, make sure you feel they are being honest with you. And this isn’t always just because they are trying to sell you something, either - I was seventeen when I started working retail and I sold wedding dresses. What the heck did I know about selling anyone a wedding dress? Sales help aren’t always the most style-capable, so ensure that you feel that they know what they are talking about.
#3 - Break free of your style funk with confidence
To know me is to know that I love a slim black turtleneck sweater. And I find that even I can get into a bit of a style rut with that very basic piece that goes with virtually everything. One thing I identified was that, for casual, I would always go back to my black turtleneck, a pair of jeans and a stunning pair of shoes. I realized that I needed an update.
We all have our basic stand-bys that we keep on call for a night out, an interview, etc. They are tried-and-true, and without a doubt we know that confidently they work. When breaking out of our style-norm it really does take an effort to stretch our wings a bit. So how can we do it with confidence?
Start slow. Many of my clients "throw out the baby with the bathwater" and go to the extreme with a change. One of my clients who had a very modern, classic professional style tried branching out into the feminine realm and fell flat on her face. This was because she swung that style-pendulum way too far and tried to embrace a style that she wasn’t comfortable with just yet. When I stepped in I saw her glaring mistake and showed her how to incorporate small feminine details to her more classic style. Doing it this way will help the process be a more comfortable one, vs. feeling that you don’t even recognize the woman wearing the outfit when you do branch out .
So how did I break free from my black turtleneck uniform? Well, I kept the jeans, which are a staple that I am comfortable with, and then added tops to my wardrobe that had an interesting cut and silhouette in fun colors that I liked. I still feel comfortable with my style of dress and it is still what I was used to, but now I have a bit more variety.
#4 - Shopping with rhyme and reason
The one word I hear more often from clients than any other is "consistency." Most of my clients are far from being fashion nightmares, however, they do wish they could be a bit more consistent with their winning outfits, instead of feeling like a good outfit is a small blip on their personal fashion radar.
One of the first ways to become more consistent is to start getting clear on what is going on with your wardrobe. Believe it or not, one of the best ways to know what to buy is to know first and foremost what is already going on. There are a lot of answers hanging right there in your closet that can give you the keys to a more consistent wardrobe.
The average woman wears 10% of her wardrobe 80% of the time. So take the 10% of what you are wearing and focus on that. Keep mental track of that 80% and take it with you when you go shopping. NEVER buy anything unless you know you can powerfully assimilate it back into your current wardrobe. Next, take that 10% of your wardrobe that you are wearing and think about the winning aspects of that wardrobe and solely focus on that part, acknowledging why it works. Many times we focus on beating ourselves up over what we aren’t wearing or the money we have wasted. Move on from your mistakes and focus on the winning pieces in your wardrobe. When you go shopping, build on those wins and add more of what is already working in your wardrobe, so you can add to your consistency.
Many women shop blindly; they don’t think about what they are going to do with the piece once they get it home, and then they beat themselves up for never wearing it. Shopping with consciousness takes a bit of effort in the beginning, but it is second nature for me now. I have often stood in a shoe store with a pair of shoes in my hand that I want, and I take a few seconds to review my current wardrobe to ensure that if I do buy the shoes they will get worn. It may make shopping a bit more formulaic at first, but in the long run you will get more wear out of what you buy, and you will be able to develop more consistency with your outfits because all your choices are supported.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Sign up for our weekly newsletter at www.bridgetteraes.com
posted by Unknown @ 3:04 PM
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