Fashion advice from an unlikely place

By Bridgette Raes

Last night I caught a stand-up performance on the Comedy Central channel by Ellen DeGeneres. I always stop to watch her, because in even my worst moods she can make me laugh. Last night, though, Ellen said something about being fashionable that I thought really hit the nail on the head. Ellen said, “Being fashionable means being able to stand out yet fit in at the same time.” I don’t know if Ellen is responsible for coining this phrase, but I thought it was brilliant and very well stated. I know it may seem funny to get fashion advice from Ellen DeGeneres, but you have to admit this is absolutely true!

Ellen’s comment was so brilliant because this is what we all strive for when we choose our outfits. We don’t want to “stick out like a sore thumb” in any social situation, but we don’t want to be a wallflower either. A common problem is that many of us don’t know how to find the balance. Most women aren’t fashion nightmares, they just look bland. What I encounter with most of my clients is that they simply blend into the crowd. Many of the issues I address center around my clients not necessarily feeling that they look bad, but feeling blah - just not feeling any pizzazz when they get dressed, and having no signature in their outfits. They may feel they are fitting in, but none of them are standing out.

One common trap that women fall into when feeling blah is trying too hard to do something to add pizzazz to their wardrobe. For some women this means swinging the pendulum way too far to one side, and as a result, adopting a style so far out of their comfort zone that they don’t feel comfortable in their own clothing. Most times it isn’t just the actual wardrobe that makes a woman stick out in what she is wearing; it is actually the discomfort she experiences in wearing that particular combination that makes her stand out negatively.

So how can you find a balance?

The goal is to find a comfortable balance, as Ellen implied. This means enhancement of what you are already doing with your wardrobe. Unless a client needs a huge transformation, all I do is enhance her personal style so that she us still very comfortable in what she is wearing. Adding a signature to her outfits is what makes them unique.

Here is a strategy: Take some time to think about what you DO like about your wardrobe. Think about the outfits that win, think about why you like them. Think about the outfits that people often compliment. Ask yourself what it is about these things that work well together, and make a list of the winning elements.

Next, think about the outfits in your closet that are just ok. You know the outfits that I am referring to; the ones that work, but have no personality. Start asking yourself what you can do differently with these outfits to enhance them. If you have a hard time identifying what you can do, try asking the questions below:

• What accessories can you add to this outfit?
• Instead of wearing black shoes, would a more neutral shoe like a tan or camel work? (many women fall into the black shoe trap where a camel or tan shoe would be much more sophisticated)
• Is there a third color you can add to this outfit?
• What can you take away from your outfit? (sometimes enhancing means subtracting)
• What about your personality or physical characteristics can you add to your outfit? (maybe it’s bringing out the blue in your eyes, or choosing accessories that are a greater statement in expressing your sillier side)
• If your style is classic but you want to add a twist, where can you do that? Or if your style is dramatic but you want it to be more bold, how can you add that element?
  
  If you are finding it challenging to find a personal balance of “standing out while fitting in,” don’t despair. Finding a balance in general is very challenging, and finding a fashion balance can be even trickier. It takes time to discover your fashion balance, so don’t get down on yourself! Start small and every day while getting dressed, think about how you can enhance what you are wearing: a small detail, a new color, an accessory. Try things out and see how you feel; if you feel great, keep going with that detail. But if what you decide to try to enhance your signature doesn’t make you feel great or more alive, then let it go and move on to something that does.

(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group

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