Polish How Others See You
By Bridgette Raes
I was recently speaking with a dear friend of mine who has just lost his job. If you have ever experienced job loss you know all too well that it can be a tough time, but my friend is doing his best to use his time between jobs wisely. While we were talking he told me about some great advice he had been given, which was, “Take this time to polish how other people see you.”
I thought this was great advice.
Times of transition are great times to sit back and do some reflection. While you are regrouping and getting ready for the next phase in your life, make one of these areas polishing or focusing on your outer self. This is why so many women contact me while they are in some form of transition; not only in the area of career, but in all areas. Perhaps you are a career woman who has decided to stop working to stay home and raise the kids. Or, maybe you are a mom finally going back to work. You may be someone who has just decided to start your own business, or is trying to move up in your career. Or maybe you are someone who has just ended a relationship or has gotten a divorce. Regardless of what personal transition you may be going through, polishing how other people see you is a valuable exercise.
Even if you aren’t going through transition, this is still a good idea. In fact, it is often when people aren’t going through a transition that they let their appearance slide, or find themselves a bit too comfortable with their current image and style, neglecting to notice how this can be working against them! Think this can’t possibly be the case? Think again; how many times have you experienced an unexpected change in your life and immediately considered upgrading your style?
So break out your chamois ladies, it is time to do some polishing.
Trust your gut
If you are someone who has been feeling frumpy, bored or uninspired by the way you look it is probably a good sign that it may be time to check in and do a little polishing. Most women who call me aren’t fashion nightmares, but many feel stuck and don’t know how to get unstuck. While their lives have changed their appearances have stood still. Some of them acknowledge that at one time their wardrobes really worked well, but one day they woke up and their current style just didn’t do the trick anymore.
So if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your next step is to find out where you are missing the mark. But if you aren’t sure how to get unstuck, it may be smart to bring in the advice of others.
It isn’t a mirror that gives you the most accurate reflection
Mirror, mirror on the wall— you know the rest. If you want to get a sense of where things are for you image-wise, don’t consult the mirror, consult others around you. We are our own worst judges when it comes to getting an accurate assessment of what is and isn’t right about the way we look. Come on, we’re women! It’s our nature to look for the flaws, right? Even if we are full of confidence and self love we still are our own worst critics, so while it is important to do a self check from time to time, it is also important to get some constructive criticism from others. I have suggested this exercise in the past and I am suggesting it again. If you are thinking that some polishing is in order for you, ask others what they think about your appearance.
If you want honesty, you must be ready to hear the good and the bad. Don’t ask unless you are ready to hear it all. You want to give your friends a safe place to tell you what they think. Defensiveness about their comments will not help the situation and you may be thwarting an opportunity to hear some valuable advice.
The reason you should ask people from different areas of your life is because you never want to take what one person says as absolute truth. Getting opinions from different areas can ensure that you are getting a good perspective on things. Like me, I am sure that you are not the same person to everyone in your life. The woman I am with my boyfriend is very different than the woman I am with my clients. I am certainly not the same person with my clients as I am with my girlfriends or family. If I were doing this exercise I would choose someone from each of these areas and ask the person I trust the most to tell me their opinions. In addition, ask people whose own style you respect.
Remember: don’t ask for feedback unless you are willing to accept absolute honesty. When you ask your friends for their feelings, tell them that it is a safe space to say whatever they want… and mean it.
Tweak and Tighten
I had a wonderful conversation yesterday with a new client. She said that she is happy with her overall style, but with the many transitions that she is going through in her life (including looking for a new job and just turning fifty) she felt that she needed to tweak and tighten her style. I told her that she sounded like 95% of most of my clients. (It is rare that the complete fashion nightmare comes knocking on my door.)
So before you throw out the baby with the bathwater, find out what it is about your current style that you really like. If you build upon what is already working you will be in much better shape than if you decide to make a sharp right. In my opinion, style is an instinctive, subconscious part of us and in most cases just needs to be updated and pulled together a bit.
My style is classic; it always has been and probably always will be. I am at an age now where I am done experimenting and trying to “find myself.” In the past when I have tried to stray from my instinctive style I always felt like I was wearing a costume. Through the years as the styles have changed and I have changed, I have always kept classic as my foundational style and have simply tweaked it a bit.
What is your foundational style, the part of you that over the years has remained constant no matter what the trend Gods were saying was right or wrong? In those times of being unsure what your style was, what have you always swum back to? It may be classic, it may be a frilly feminine style, or perhaps a modern sleek one. Whose style has attracted you consistently? This is an important question to ask yourself in finding your true style. To me, your style can’t be changed; it’s almost a part of your DNA. What can change is the tweaking and fine tuning that makes it more updated and timely, but the core remains constant.
I have had clients in amazement because in one meeting I can nab their style just by talking to them and watching their body language, how they carry themselves etc. During our first meeting I usually know what they are going to look like by the time I am done with them. Trust me, I am not some wacky shaman psychic! All I do is pay attention; it’s not that hard to pick up on someone’s natural style just by listening.
So pay attention to yourself in order to find your natural style, and after you nab it, think about how you can tweak and tighten it.
Find your buzz words
One thing I ask when starting to work with is a client is “What is the overall message that you want to send to other people?” I get a lot of different answers to this question. Some want to be powerful, approachable and friendly. Others want to be confident, pulled together and capable. The answers vary based on a client’s particular goals.
Ask yourself what is the overall message that you want to send to other people. Come up with three buzz words to describe this. These three buzz words will give you the barometer that you need when working on polishing your appearance. The next time you get dressed ask yourself, “Do I look buzz word #1, buzz word #2 and buzz word #3?” If you answer no, then keep polishing!
Tie it together
Striking the balance of a style that makes you happy while at the same time representing your goals and the message you want to send can be very tricky. Oftentimes we are stronger in one area than the other. For example, a client can have a great style that is galaxies away from what she is looking to accomplish. My client may be very pulled together for work but she feels frumpy, concerned that her inner self isn’t reflected through her clothing.
How can you find this balance? How can you tie the two together so that your style represents you, while at the same time being appropriate and properly representative of what you want to accomplish?
Believe it or not, it is important to start with the outer and then focus on the inner, not the other way around. You have to figure out where you are going before you know what you are going to wear, so to speak. So the first thing that you want to ask yourself is where you are going (figuratively, of course.) What’s the goal, what’s next for you? Does this have to be a major goal like a new career or business venture? Absolutely not. The goal can be simple, like “I want to be better respected at work,” or “I want people to know I am fun.”
After you have figured out where you are going, then it is time to dress yourself. Now that you have figured out your instinctive style, your buzz words and where you are headed you can tie it all together and create a style that includes all of these components. When you create your style within the guidelines of your goals and aspirations it is much easier to pinpoint exactly what you need to do.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/
I was recently speaking with a dear friend of mine who has just lost his job. If you have ever experienced job loss you know all too well that it can be a tough time, but my friend is doing his best to use his time between jobs wisely. While we were talking he told me about some great advice he had been given, which was, “Take this time to polish how other people see you.”
I thought this was great advice.
Times of transition are great times to sit back and do some reflection. While you are regrouping and getting ready for the next phase in your life, make one of these areas polishing or focusing on your outer self. This is why so many women contact me while they are in some form of transition; not only in the area of career, but in all areas. Perhaps you are a career woman who has decided to stop working to stay home and raise the kids. Or, maybe you are a mom finally going back to work. You may be someone who has just decided to start your own business, or is trying to move up in your career. Or maybe you are someone who has just ended a relationship or has gotten a divorce. Regardless of what personal transition you may be going through, polishing how other people see you is a valuable exercise.
Even if you aren’t going through transition, this is still a good idea. In fact, it is often when people aren’t going through a transition that they let their appearance slide, or find themselves a bit too comfortable with their current image and style, neglecting to notice how this can be working against them! Think this can’t possibly be the case? Think again; how many times have you experienced an unexpected change in your life and immediately considered upgrading your style?
So break out your chamois ladies, it is time to do some polishing.
Trust your gut
If you are someone who has been feeling frumpy, bored or uninspired by the way you look it is probably a good sign that it may be time to check in and do a little polishing. Most women who call me aren’t fashion nightmares, but many feel stuck and don’t know how to get unstuck. While their lives have changed their appearances have stood still. Some of them acknowledge that at one time their wardrobes really worked well, but one day they woke up and their current style just didn’t do the trick anymore.
So if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your next step is to find out where you are missing the mark. But if you aren’t sure how to get unstuck, it may be smart to bring in the advice of others.
It isn’t a mirror that gives you the most accurate reflection
Mirror, mirror on the wall— you know the rest. If you want to get a sense of where things are for you image-wise, don’t consult the mirror, consult others around you. We are our own worst judges when it comes to getting an accurate assessment of what is and isn’t right about the way we look. Come on, we’re women! It’s our nature to look for the flaws, right? Even if we are full of confidence and self love we still are our own worst critics, so while it is important to do a self check from time to time, it is also important to get some constructive criticism from others. I have suggested this exercise in the past and I am suggesting it again. If you are thinking that some polishing is in order for you, ask others what they think about your appearance.
If you want honesty, you must be ready to hear the good and the bad. Don’t ask unless you are ready to hear it all. You want to give your friends a safe place to tell you what they think. Defensiveness about their comments will not help the situation and you may be thwarting an opportunity to hear some valuable advice.
The reason you should ask people from different areas of your life is because you never want to take what one person says as absolute truth. Getting opinions from different areas can ensure that you are getting a good perspective on things. Like me, I am sure that you are not the same person to everyone in your life. The woman I am with my boyfriend is very different than the woman I am with my clients. I am certainly not the same person with my clients as I am with my girlfriends or family. If I were doing this exercise I would choose someone from each of these areas and ask the person I trust the most to tell me their opinions. In addition, ask people whose own style you respect.
Remember: don’t ask for feedback unless you are willing to accept absolute honesty. When you ask your friends for their feelings, tell them that it is a safe space to say whatever they want… and mean it.
Tweak and Tighten
I had a wonderful conversation yesterday with a new client. She said that she is happy with her overall style, but with the many transitions that she is going through in her life (including looking for a new job and just turning fifty) she felt that she needed to tweak and tighten her style. I told her that she sounded like 95% of most of my clients. (It is rare that the complete fashion nightmare comes knocking on my door.)
So before you throw out the baby with the bathwater, find out what it is about your current style that you really like. If you build upon what is already working you will be in much better shape than if you decide to make a sharp right. In my opinion, style is an instinctive, subconscious part of us and in most cases just needs to be updated and pulled together a bit.
My style is classic; it always has been and probably always will be. I am at an age now where I am done experimenting and trying to “find myself.” In the past when I have tried to stray from my instinctive style I always felt like I was wearing a costume. Through the years as the styles have changed and I have changed, I have always kept classic as my foundational style and have simply tweaked it a bit.
What is your foundational style, the part of you that over the years has remained constant no matter what the trend Gods were saying was right or wrong? In those times of being unsure what your style was, what have you always swum back to? It may be classic, it may be a frilly feminine style, or perhaps a modern sleek one. Whose style has attracted you consistently? This is an important question to ask yourself in finding your true style. To me, your style can’t be changed; it’s almost a part of your DNA. What can change is the tweaking and fine tuning that makes it more updated and timely, but the core remains constant.
I have had clients in amazement because in one meeting I can nab their style just by talking to them and watching their body language, how they carry themselves etc. During our first meeting I usually know what they are going to look like by the time I am done with them. Trust me, I am not some wacky shaman psychic! All I do is pay attention; it’s not that hard to pick up on someone’s natural style just by listening.
So pay attention to yourself in order to find your natural style, and after you nab it, think about how you can tweak and tighten it.
Find your buzz words
One thing I ask when starting to work with is a client is “What is the overall message that you want to send to other people?” I get a lot of different answers to this question. Some want to be powerful, approachable and friendly. Others want to be confident, pulled together and capable. The answers vary based on a client’s particular goals.
Ask yourself what is the overall message that you want to send to other people. Come up with three buzz words to describe this. These three buzz words will give you the barometer that you need when working on polishing your appearance. The next time you get dressed ask yourself, “Do I look buzz word #1, buzz word #2 and buzz word #3?” If you answer no, then keep polishing!
Tie it together
Striking the balance of a style that makes you happy while at the same time representing your goals and the message you want to send can be very tricky. Oftentimes we are stronger in one area than the other. For example, a client can have a great style that is galaxies away from what she is looking to accomplish. My client may be very pulled together for work but she feels frumpy, concerned that her inner self isn’t reflected through her clothing.
How can you find this balance? How can you tie the two together so that your style represents you, while at the same time being appropriate and properly representative of what you want to accomplish?
Believe it or not, it is important to start with the outer and then focus on the inner, not the other way around. You have to figure out where you are going before you know what you are going to wear, so to speak. So the first thing that you want to ask yourself is where you are going (figuratively, of course.) What’s the goal, what’s next for you? Does this have to be a major goal like a new career or business venture? Absolutely not. The goal can be simple, like “I want to be better respected at work,” or “I want people to know I am fun.”
After you have figured out where you are going, then it is time to dress yourself. Now that you have figured out your instinctive style, your buzz words and where you are headed you can tie it all together and create a style that includes all of these components. When you create your style within the guidelines of your goals and aspirations it is much easier to pinpoint exactly what you need to do.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/
posted by Unknown @ 7:43 PM
<< Home