I feel therefore I am
By Bridgette Raes
Like many women, I tune in to watch “Desperate Housewives” every Sunday. I usually turn on the television a few minutes before the show and catch the last few minutes of Extreme Home Makeover. Even though I don’t view the whole show, I always find myself blubbering like a baby in the end at witnessing a family’s transformed lives. This past week’s episode was no exception. A recently widowed mother of two children got the home of her dreams. While walking into her brand new bedroom suite she simply said, “I feel like a princess.” Her comment stuck with me, as I considered just how amazing it is that what we surround ourselves with can transform the way we feel about ourselves.
I started to think about my many clients and friends who have had this same reaction when they put on certain clothing and experience something that makes them feel good. I remember my sister trying on a new coat and saying to me, “I feel good in this,” and I knew she had to own it. Or my client in the middle of a divorce, financial difficulties and the woes of a new business venture, who had not indulged in herself in years. When she and I finally went shopping and bought some new clothes that better reflected her new life, she was completely transformed and alive because her clothes helped her feel that way.
This week I want you to take on a challenge for yourselves: I want you to wear only clothing that makes YOU feel good - and I want you to do this all the time, not just when you have to be “on” or when you know others will see you. Do it even when you are by yourself - hanging around watching TV, running errands or lounging in your chosen sleepwear. Simply put, give yourself no excuses.
To those of you groaning because this exercise represents a tremendous amount of effort for you, I want you to try to shift your thinking about what “feel good” clothing means, by reading on:
Do for yourself what you would do for others
Firstly, I always find it fascinating that generally, most of us dress in a way that makes us feel good when other people are involved. I fall victim to this all the time. When I know that other people will see me or when I want to dress to impress, I will put the extra effort into my clothing choices. But even I (a style expert and the owner of an image and consulting company) have tried to get away with dressing in a slovenly manner when I think nobody is looking. Many times I have found myself caught up with working in my home office still in my yoga clothes, long after I have returned home from class. Instead of taking a little extra time to transition out of my sweaty yoga clothes and into something that will make me feel great while working, I let myself get involved in the priorities of being a business owner. I often stare down at myself mid-afternoon, aghast that I am still wearing a sports-bra and yoga pants. “No wonder I don’t feel productive!” I quickly realize.
This attitude is very typically female; many of us put every other priority ahead of our own self care, and as a result we feel spent or overused. If we simply take a little extra time to make sure that we are taken care of first, we will have so much more energy to give back to our day. Why do so many of us feel selfish when we stop for a second and care for ourselves first?
If you are someone who only takes a little extra time to look good when you know you will be seen by others, this exercise is something that you will really want to take on this week. Do you often leave your home to run an errand hoping that you aren’t going to run into anyone? Have you ever considered wearing your most expensive and pretty pair of underwear - not because someone may see them later, but for yourself? Or do you find yourself saving them for a special occasion? Do you have one too many ratty T-shirts hanging around that you reserve for your moments by yourself, but would never be caught dead wearing?
This situation is similar to someone who only breaks out her good china for special events. The truth is that many people have only a few special moments a year, and that beautiful china usually winds up collecting dust between those infrequent blips. The best story that I ever heard was of a woman who ate from her good china and drank out of her Waterford Crystal every day.
If the idea of pouring Diet Coke into an expensive glass seems terribly indulgent, ask yourself if you think lounging around in a pair of 300 thread count cotton pajamas does as well. Remind yourself of those moments you did wrap yourself in something luxurious like a gorgeous cashmere sweater, and how it changed you the way you felt about yourself, and whether it changed the way you approached your day. Then think about how you felt on the days when you didn’t give yourself a little extra time to take care of the way you looked - just for you.
Feel it, don’t do it
The one thing that I won’t tell you is that there are rules for what “feel good” clothing is. If you are someone who is feeling pressured by this exercise, stop and ask yourself if you are “doing” the exercise or “feeling” the exercise. If you are thinking, “Great, now I have to think about wearing expensive pajamas to watch my Netflix rentals because Bridgette said so - what a pain!” then who’s to say that your feel good outfit for a night alone watching movies isn’t a broken-in sweatshirt, comfortable pants and a pair of cashmere socks? Maybe this is what makes you feel absolutely wonderful for lounging around. After a long day of working, the only thing that I know will make me feel comfortable is a pair of faux-shearling lined slippers that I put on the second I get home.
If you want people to “get” you as a powerful and capable employee at work this week, don’t “do” powerful and capable; instead, choose to feel powerful and capable getting ready for work this week. Everything about what you choose to wear should make you feel that way. If you want to feel hot and sexy in a given situation ask yourself, what does hot and sexy feel like to you in that moment? It may feel like your tightest jeans and a slim sweater, or simply wearing your hottest black boots with the three inch heel. However, the next time you want to feel hot and sexy, perhaps it will be something different. The ultimate goal here is for you to decide for yourself. The best litmus test to discover if you are successful in dressing the way you want to feel is that it shouldn’t seem daunting, and once you put on your choice you should feel it instantly.
Going back to the mother in the show “Extreme Home Makeover” last night, she said, “I feel like a princess,” as she walked into her new bedroom. Her bedroom style was very country chic, and I could see that her taste was far different from mine. The same is true for clothing choices. Your friend may feel luxurious and elegant doing weekend errands in a pressed pair of khakis and a blazer, but elegant and luxurious for you may be a pair of jeans with a basic top.
In every situation you encounter this week, I want you to make choices based on what makes YOU feel good - not the clothing that you think will make you feel good.
Choose a “feel good” element
Maybe for you it isn’t a whole feel good outfit, but just one element to your outfit instead. This might be throwing on a great scarf with your coat, or wearing the bra that only you will see but you know makes you look like a Victoria’s Secret model, or maybe it is simply a bracelet that makes you feel wonderful every time you wear it. Find one special element that you can throw into your outfit selection for the day, call it your feel good element and notice how much better that one added aspect makes you feel.
Aren’t you worth it?
If you are still challenged with this one ask yourself, aren’t you worth it? Don’t you deserve to be surrounded by clothing that makes you feel good? If you don’t indulge yourself, honestly explore the reasons. Keep in mind that adding feel good elements doesn’t mean going out and buying expensive things. It’s about the value of something and what it means to you, not the price tag attached.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/
Like many women, I tune in to watch “Desperate Housewives” every Sunday. I usually turn on the television a few minutes before the show and catch the last few minutes of Extreme Home Makeover. Even though I don’t view the whole show, I always find myself blubbering like a baby in the end at witnessing a family’s transformed lives. This past week’s episode was no exception. A recently widowed mother of two children got the home of her dreams. While walking into her brand new bedroom suite she simply said, “I feel like a princess.” Her comment stuck with me, as I considered just how amazing it is that what we surround ourselves with can transform the way we feel about ourselves.
I started to think about my many clients and friends who have had this same reaction when they put on certain clothing and experience something that makes them feel good. I remember my sister trying on a new coat and saying to me, “I feel good in this,” and I knew she had to own it. Or my client in the middle of a divorce, financial difficulties and the woes of a new business venture, who had not indulged in herself in years. When she and I finally went shopping and bought some new clothes that better reflected her new life, she was completely transformed and alive because her clothes helped her feel that way.
This week I want you to take on a challenge for yourselves: I want you to wear only clothing that makes YOU feel good - and I want you to do this all the time, not just when you have to be “on” or when you know others will see you. Do it even when you are by yourself - hanging around watching TV, running errands or lounging in your chosen sleepwear. Simply put, give yourself no excuses.
To those of you groaning because this exercise represents a tremendous amount of effort for you, I want you to try to shift your thinking about what “feel good” clothing means, by reading on:
Do for yourself what you would do for others
Firstly, I always find it fascinating that generally, most of us dress in a way that makes us feel good when other people are involved. I fall victim to this all the time. When I know that other people will see me or when I want to dress to impress, I will put the extra effort into my clothing choices. But even I (a style expert and the owner of an image and consulting company) have tried to get away with dressing in a slovenly manner when I think nobody is looking. Many times I have found myself caught up with working in my home office still in my yoga clothes, long after I have returned home from class. Instead of taking a little extra time to transition out of my sweaty yoga clothes and into something that will make me feel great while working, I let myself get involved in the priorities of being a business owner. I often stare down at myself mid-afternoon, aghast that I am still wearing a sports-bra and yoga pants. “No wonder I don’t feel productive!” I quickly realize.
This attitude is very typically female; many of us put every other priority ahead of our own self care, and as a result we feel spent or overused. If we simply take a little extra time to make sure that we are taken care of first, we will have so much more energy to give back to our day. Why do so many of us feel selfish when we stop for a second and care for ourselves first?
If you are someone who only takes a little extra time to look good when you know you will be seen by others, this exercise is something that you will really want to take on this week. Do you often leave your home to run an errand hoping that you aren’t going to run into anyone? Have you ever considered wearing your most expensive and pretty pair of underwear - not because someone may see them later, but for yourself? Or do you find yourself saving them for a special occasion? Do you have one too many ratty T-shirts hanging around that you reserve for your moments by yourself, but would never be caught dead wearing?
This situation is similar to someone who only breaks out her good china for special events. The truth is that many people have only a few special moments a year, and that beautiful china usually winds up collecting dust between those infrequent blips. The best story that I ever heard was of a woman who ate from her good china and drank out of her Waterford Crystal every day.
If the idea of pouring Diet Coke into an expensive glass seems terribly indulgent, ask yourself if you think lounging around in a pair of 300 thread count cotton pajamas does as well. Remind yourself of those moments you did wrap yourself in something luxurious like a gorgeous cashmere sweater, and how it changed you the way you felt about yourself, and whether it changed the way you approached your day. Then think about how you felt on the days when you didn’t give yourself a little extra time to take care of the way you looked - just for you.
Feel it, don’t do it
The one thing that I won’t tell you is that there are rules for what “feel good” clothing is. If you are someone who is feeling pressured by this exercise, stop and ask yourself if you are “doing” the exercise or “feeling” the exercise. If you are thinking, “Great, now I have to think about wearing expensive pajamas to watch my Netflix rentals because Bridgette said so - what a pain!” then who’s to say that your feel good outfit for a night alone watching movies isn’t a broken-in sweatshirt, comfortable pants and a pair of cashmere socks? Maybe this is what makes you feel absolutely wonderful for lounging around. After a long day of working, the only thing that I know will make me feel comfortable is a pair of faux-shearling lined slippers that I put on the second I get home.
If you want people to “get” you as a powerful and capable employee at work this week, don’t “do” powerful and capable; instead, choose to feel powerful and capable getting ready for work this week. Everything about what you choose to wear should make you feel that way. If you want to feel hot and sexy in a given situation ask yourself, what does hot and sexy feel like to you in that moment? It may feel like your tightest jeans and a slim sweater, or simply wearing your hottest black boots with the three inch heel. However, the next time you want to feel hot and sexy, perhaps it will be something different. The ultimate goal here is for you to decide for yourself. The best litmus test to discover if you are successful in dressing the way you want to feel is that it shouldn’t seem daunting, and once you put on your choice you should feel it instantly.
Going back to the mother in the show “Extreme Home Makeover” last night, she said, “I feel like a princess,” as she walked into her new bedroom. Her bedroom style was very country chic, and I could see that her taste was far different from mine. The same is true for clothing choices. Your friend may feel luxurious and elegant doing weekend errands in a pressed pair of khakis and a blazer, but elegant and luxurious for you may be a pair of jeans with a basic top.
In every situation you encounter this week, I want you to make choices based on what makes YOU feel good - not the clothing that you think will make you feel good.
Choose a “feel good” element
Maybe for you it isn’t a whole feel good outfit, but just one element to your outfit instead. This might be throwing on a great scarf with your coat, or wearing the bra that only you will see but you know makes you look like a Victoria’s Secret model, or maybe it is simply a bracelet that makes you feel wonderful every time you wear it. Find one special element that you can throw into your outfit selection for the day, call it your feel good element and notice how much better that one added aspect makes you feel.
Aren’t you worth it?
If you are still challenged with this one ask yourself, aren’t you worth it? Don’t you deserve to be surrounded by clothing that makes you feel good? If you don’t indulge yourself, honestly explore the reasons. Keep in mind that adding feel good elements doesn’t mean going out and buying expensive things. It’s about the value of something and what it means to you, not the price tag attached.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/
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