Size Doesn’t Matter
By Bridgette Raes
I just spent the weekend with an old friend of mine who shared with me the trials and tribulations of her closet. My dear friend told me about how her closet is jammed packed but, even though she doesn’t wear half the stuff, she simply can’t let the stuff go. To her, parting with clothing that she doesn’t wear, even if she paid next to nothing for the items, leaves her feeling like she is throwing money away. Hearing her go on about her struggles, I realized that she’s not alone.
I recently cleaned out a client’s closet and after the cleaning, she remarked that her closet was so empty and it felt like she had nothing to wear. I said that while she had a lot in her closet prior to the cleaning, what she had was a false sense of security. She thought that she had a lot to wear, but in fact, she didn’t. While this client had a huge overstuffed closet full of clothing, considering she was only wearing a small percentage, the unwearable stuff brought her no value at all.
People who have seen my closet have often been amazed by how little it holds. I have said that people assume that since I do this for a living, my wardrobe must be quite large. It is, in fact, the opposite. I run a tight ship in my closet, it is lean and mean and if it doesn’t work for me, I don’t keep it. The more clients I meet, the more stories I hear, and I am quickly realizing that this is not normal to have such a lightly stocked closet.
It’s my assumption that many of you reading this article are among those who have gotten themselves into an overwhelming closet situation. If you don’t deal with your closet, it will eventually become a big monster that you want to avoid.
This week’s article is about giving you some tools to finally tame the closet monster, as well as some encouragement to start realizing that it isn’t the size of a closet that matters, it is what is in there that counts.
Input output
Life, in general, has a flow to it and our closets are no exception. We cannot continue to put things in our closet without removing something. If we do not allow for this process, eventually we will create stagnation in our closet, something that many of us are all too familiar with. When we stop the flow of our closets, we get into trouble.
Over time the styles and fashions have changed, our own personal styles have changed, and we must release the old in order to embrace the new. I have pulled things out of clients’ closets from the 70’s! I am often in shock when this happens, but it does. We have to let the flow of our closets represent the flow of our lives. As our lives change, we can’t expect that our closets can stand still.
If you find that things go into your closet and nothing comes out, remember that your closet isn’t the Roach Motel, you have to learn to release. A simple strategy that I have recommended many times in this newsletter, as well as with my pack-rat clients is that they start with one rule: For every new thing that you bring into your closet, you have to let something else go and it has to be in the same classification. So, if you buy a new pair of shoes, you have to get rid of another pair. You can’t buy tons of shoes and then think you are following the rules if you get rid of a ton of T-shirts.
Expanding on the Clothing formula
Why do we hang on to things? There are myriad reasons, but for many, it is because we think about the money that was spent. This is understandable, especially if items still have the tags on them. But we need to let go and realize that getting rid of things that we no longer wear, even if we got tremendous value from them at one point, is a good thing.
I have shared the clothing formula with you in the past and today I am going to expand on it to help those of you who are new to the newsletter or are afraid to let go and finally realize that these pieces owe you nothing.
My mother used to say that clothes that she ‘wore into the ground’ owed her nothing. They had served her well and now it was time to finally retire them. Perhaps my ability to let go of my clothing came from my mother. I saw purchasing good clothing as an investment and for every wear the value of the clothing decreased until their value was next to nothing and it was time to get rid of them.
But for those who are hanging onto some pieces that you have worn well at one time, but simply cannot let go, try this: Take a piece of clothing that you used to wear frequently wore but no longer do. Try to estimate how much you paid for it. After you have figured out the cost, start figuring out how much you wore this piece over the years or seasons. For example, you have a sweater that cost you $65, and you wore it every other week for a year. Take that cost of the sweater and divide by 26. You will find that the sweater’s value is now only $2.50!
Like anything you own and use, it decreases in value with every use. When you wear something 26 times, you have to remember that this sweater is no longer worth the $65 you originally paid for it, because with every wear the value decreases. Looking at it this way makes it a lot easier to bid farewell to something worth $2.50 than $65.
If you can’t part with things because you bought it, paid a lot, and then never wore it, forgive yourself, because obviously that formula won’t work. Instead, figure out what the mistake was and work on correcting your behavior for future buys.
To punish yourself by keeping these things in your closet as a constant reminder of your mistakes will not help you release it. This is where the closet becomes that dark monster because we simply don’t want to look inside and be reminded of our mistakes. Face the music, accept that you have made some errors in judgment and commit to changing your ways. It’s similar to credit card debt. We don’t like to face it head on and then it just begins to mount until it is nearly impossible to correct. Take charge now.
What is it really about?
What’s really going on here? Let’s talk about the psychological side to the closet…my favorite topic. Like my client who lived with the false sense of security about having a lot in her closet, we can develop some very interesting psychological relationships with our clothing and our closets.
There is something I like to refer to as a “poverty consciousness”, which is this strange need that we have to hold onto things like money, clothing, people or situations for fear of letting go because there isn’t enough out there. As a result, we cling tightly to what we do have in a fearful manner. Clothing is certainly no exception to this. It seems strange to get so deep and heavy about clothing, but I have always said that our closets tell on us because they are a wonderful reflection of our inner selves. If you tend to hoard clothing, there is a chance that you may have a poverty consciousness about other areas of your life.
The problem is a false sense of security. The clothes in your closet are doing you absolutely no good if they aren’t being worn. In fact, they may be supporting some very tricky deeper psychological issues you may struggle with in other areas of your life.
You need to get honest with yourself. What does this overstuffed closet represent to you? Why are you hanging onto stuff and what are some patterns of this behavior that may be trickling into other areas of your life. If you have identified that you not only hoard clothing, but you also hoard money, isn’t it a lot less daunting to first grapple with this issue in your closet?
Readjusting some tough psychological issues in our lives always works when we bite them off slowly, piece by piece. It takes time to change a pattern in our lives, so start safe. Start in your closet.
While you are thinking about letting go, get real with yourself, notice your emotions, notice if after purging your closet if you have a dying need to start filling it again. See whether you are okay with less in there. Notice if you need that false sense of security of thinking that you have more that you really do. And lastly, take your time with this. I always tell my clients to keep their weekends light when I clean their closets with them. Aside from the physical demand of a closet purge, there is also an energy shift when we clean a closet. Sometimes this has a tremendous impact on a client’s energy level and most of them collapse afterwards. So keep your plans light, you really shift lot when you work on letting go.
The process
So you have finally decided to purge! Congratulations. When you enter your closet, start from one end, take each piece and look at it. Then ask yourself the following questions:
When was the last time I wore this?
I just spent the weekend with an old friend of mine who shared with me the trials and tribulations of her closet. My dear friend told me about how her closet is jammed packed but, even though she doesn’t wear half the stuff, she simply can’t let the stuff go. To her, parting with clothing that she doesn’t wear, even if she paid next to nothing for the items, leaves her feeling like she is throwing money away. Hearing her go on about her struggles, I realized that she’s not alone.
I recently cleaned out a client’s closet and after the cleaning, she remarked that her closet was so empty and it felt like she had nothing to wear. I said that while she had a lot in her closet prior to the cleaning, what she had was a false sense of security. She thought that she had a lot to wear, but in fact, she didn’t. While this client had a huge overstuffed closet full of clothing, considering she was only wearing a small percentage, the unwearable stuff brought her no value at all.
People who have seen my closet have often been amazed by how little it holds. I have said that people assume that since I do this for a living, my wardrobe must be quite large. It is, in fact, the opposite. I run a tight ship in my closet, it is lean and mean and if it doesn’t work for me, I don’t keep it. The more clients I meet, the more stories I hear, and I am quickly realizing that this is not normal to have such a lightly stocked closet.
It’s my assumption that many of you reading this article are among those who have gotten themselves into an overwhelming closet situation. If you don’t deal with your closet, it will eventually become a big monster that you want to avoid.
This week’s article is about giving you some tools to finally tame the closet monster, as well as some encouragement to start realizing that it isn’t the size of a closet that matters, it is what is in there that counts.
Input output
Life, in general, has a flow to it and our closets are no exception. We cannot continue to put things in our closet without removing something. If we do not allow for this process, eventually we will create stagnation in our closet, something that many of us are all too familiar with. When we stop the flow of our closets, we get into trouble.
Over time the styles and fashions have changed, our own personal styles have changed, and we must release the old in order to embrace the new. I have pulled things out of clients’ closets from the 70’s! I am often in shock when this happens, but it does. We have to let the flow of our closets represent the flow of our lives. As our lives change, we can’t expect that our closets can stand still.
If you find that things go into your closet and nothing comes out, remember that your closet isn’t the Roach Motel, you have to learn to release. A simple strategy that I have recommended many times in this newsletter, as well as with my pack-rat clients is that they start with one rule: For every new thing that you bring into your closet, you have to let something else go and it has to be in the same classification. So, if you buy a new pair of shoes, you have to get rid of another pair. You can’t buy tons of shoes and then think you are following the rules if you get rid of a ton of T-shirts.
Expanding on the Clothing formula
Why do we hang on to things? There are myriad reasons, but for many, it is because we think about the money that was spent. This is understandable, especially if items still have the tags on them. But we need to let go and realize that getting rid of things that we no longer wear, even if we got tremendous value from them at one point, is a good thing.
I have shared the clothing formula with you in the past and today I am going to expand on it to help those of you who are new to the newsletter or are afraid to let go and finally realize that these pieces owe you nothing.
My mother used to say that clothes that she ‘wore into the ground’ owed her nothing. They had served her well and now it was time to finally retire them. Perhaps my ability to let go of my clothing came from my mother. I saw purchasing good clothing as an investment and for every wear the value of the clothing decreased until their value was next to nothing and it was time to get rid of them.
But for those who are hanging onto some pieces that you have worn well at one time, but simply cannot let go, try this: Take a piece of clothing that you used to wear frequently wore but no longer do. Try to estimate how much you paid for it. After you have figured out the cost, start figuring out how much you wore this piece over the years or seasons. For example, you have a sweater that cost you $65, and you wore it every other week for a year. Take that cost of the sweater and divide by 26. You will find that the sweater’s value is now only $2.50!
Like anything you own and use, it decreases in value with every use. When you wear something 26 times, you have to remember that this sweater is no longer worth the $65 you originally paid for it, because with every wear the value decreases. Looking at it this way makes it a lot easier to bid farewell to something worth $2.50 than $65.
If you can’t part with things because you bought it, paid a lot, and then never wore it, forgive yourself, because obviously that formula won’t work. Instead, figure out what the mistake was and work on correcting your behavior for future buys.
To punish yourself by keeping these things in your closet as a constant reminder of your mistakes will not help you release it. This is where the closet becomes that dark monster because we simply don’t want to look inside and be reminded of our mistakes. Face the music, accept that you have made some errors in judgment and commit to changing your ways. It’s similar to credit card debt. We don’t like to face it head on and then it just begins to mount until it is nearly impossible to correct. Take charge now.
What is it really about?
What’s really going on here? Let’s talk about the psychological side to the closet…my favorite topic. Like my client who lived with the false sense of security about having a lot in her closet, we can develop some very interesting psychological relationships with our clothing and our closets.
There is something I like to refer to as a “poverty consciousness”, which is this strange need that we have to hold onto things like money, clothing, people or situations for fear of letting go because there isn’t enough out there. As a result, we cling tightly to what we do have in a fearful manner. Clothing is certainly no exception to this. It seems strange to get so deep and heavy about clothing, but I have always said that our closets tell on us because they are a wonderful reflection of our inner selves. If you tend to hoard clothing, there is a chance that you may have a poverty consciousness about other areas of your life.
The problem is a false sense of security. The clothes in your closet are doing you absolutely no good if they aren’t being worn. In fact, they may be supporting some very tricky deeper psychological issues you may struggle with in other areas of your life.
You need to get honest with yourself. What does this overstuffed closet represent to you? Why are you hanging onto stuff and what are some patterns of this behavior that may be trickling into other areas of your life. If you have identified that you not only hoard clothing, but you also hoard money, isn’t it a lot less daunting to first grapple with this issue in your closet?
Readjusting some tough psychological issues in our lives always works when we bite them off slowly, piece by piece. It takes time to change a pattern in our lives, so start safe. Start in your closet.
While you are thinking about letting go, get real with yourself, notice your emotions, notice if after purging your closet if you have a dying need to start filling it again. See whether you are okay with less in there. Notice if you need that false sense of security of thinking that you have more that you really do. And lastly, take your time with this. I always tell my clients to keep their weekends light when I clean their closets with them. Aside from the physical demand of a closet purge, there is also an energy shift when we clean a closet. Sometimes this has a tremendous impact on a client’s energy level and most of them collapse afterwards. So keep your plans light, you really shift lot when you work on letting go.
The process
So you have finally decided to purge! Congratulations. When you enter your closet, start from one end, take each piece and look at it. Then ask yourself the following questions:
When was the last time I wore this?
- Do I like it?
- Do I feel it reflects me now, not you ten years ago, a year ago, etc.
- Where am I going in this?
- How do I feel when I am wearing this?
- What do I have to wear with this? Perhaps you have a great piece, but it is an orphan. If so, then start thinking about what this needs to become a wearable piece.
If your answer to these questions were negative, then throw the piece out. Remember, they are doing you NO service being stuck in your closet.
Less is more
I love a tight, cohesive closet. There is nothing better than someone who has a closet full of great clothes that work, intermix and most importantly that you love. Remember what a clothes closet is for. A closet is not for storing sentimental pieces, it’s not a graveyard where old clothing goes to die. It is certainly something that you should be using. So many clients I have met don’t even go near their closets because their closets have become overwhelming messes that they are scared to go near. But trust me, this is something you can overcome! After all, if I can clean a 52-year old client’s closet who was still holding onto a skirt from the 8th grade, then anything is possible.
(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group
posted by Unknown @ 4:34 PM
