How to accessorize

By Bridgette Raes

In last week’s newsletter I offered the suggestion of adding accessories to your outfits to make them more feminine looking. After reading this article, one of our readers sent me this question (which I originally intended to answer in our Q&A section) and I’ve since decided to address it as an article. Our reader asked some very good questions that I am sure many of you wonder about. Here is her question:

I read in your newsletter that in order to inject a more feminine feel to our wardrobe we should accessorize. If there is one thing I am worse at than trying to figure out what outfit to wear, it is how to figure out what accessories go with what. Should I wear gold with some colors and silver with others? How do you know what length of necklace is appropriate? How many pieces of jewelry is the minimum that you should wear? And belts! I have one black belt and one brown one. How do I know what kind of belts to buy? Any suggestions?

Just like my reader who asked this question, most of my clients find accessorizing rather daunting, and many admit to avoiding it completely. Accessorizing is really important because it:

• Adds personality to an outfit
  
• Can easily change the look of an outfit
  
• Is a great way to update a look on a budget
  
• Can infuse color into an outfit
  

There are some who believe that accessories should make up 25% of your wardrobe budget. This may seem like a large percentage; however, accessories include shoes, handbags, belts, jewelry, scarves and any other element that can be added to your wardrobe that isn’t clothing. Considering how much money women spend on shoes, 25% doesn’t seem like such a large number, now does it?

The following points address the great questions asked by our reader:

#1 - Silver and Gold isn’t the only solution

As far as silver and gold are concerned, in my opinion, which color you choose depends more on personal preference than anything else. I have been advised by other image professionals that the color of metal chosen should depend on the individual’s undertones. So the rule is, if you have warm undertones you should choose yellow gold and if you have cooler undertones you should go with silver, white gold or platinum. Personally, having warmer undertones means that I should wear yellow gold, but I don’t. Investing in precious metals can be an expensive proposition, therefore I advise going by personal choice vs. coloring of one’s undertones. If you are someone who wears both silver and gold and would like to vary the metal color you choose based on what you are wearing, the rule of thumb I can offer is to choose yellow gold when wearing warmer, earthier colors (such as oranges, yellow, browns and olives) and choose silver, platinum or white gold when wearing icier cooler colors (like blues, greys and black.)

But don’t limit yourself to just silver or gold! Accessorizing is the best opportunity to add a pop of color to an outfit. There are so many exciting jewelry choices out there in wonderful colors in the way of gemstones, beads and other materials. If you are someone who doesn’t wear a lot of color in your clothing, go for color in your jewelry. Jewelry is also the best way to bring in the Color Triple Play solution I frequently talk about. Read about Color Triple Play by clicking here.

When I shop with clients we always hit the accessory stores last, and this is because it is important to know what we have bought before we stock up on accessories. When finishing with a client there always is a dominant color theme. I had one client whose wardrobe was based in brown, with pop colors of mainly rose pink and soft blue. When we went shopping for accessories we focused mainly on finding accessory colors that worked with the dominant colors of her wardrobe of natural shades, pinks and blues. In addition, we added some complementing colors that would work with this group in shades of greens and darker, cranberry pink shades. As you can imagine, this client wouldn’t get much use from accessories that were predominantly purple, for example, if the majority of what we bought wasn’t in that color family.

When heading out to purchase accessories take a look at your wardrobe and figure out your dominant colors - this is the best way to start deciding what colors you should buy. Then choose one pop color that may not be a big feature in your wardrobe but will still complement the color palette.

#2 - Balance Points

Have you ever put on a necklace and the length didn’t seem to do anything for you, but when you raised the necklace just a bit on your neck, it suddenly looked right? This is because of something called balance points. Balance points are two points on your body which indicate how to find the best length for your necklaces. Here is how to find your two balance points:

How to find balance point #1 -

Your first balance point is found by looking at the visual length of your face and measuring that length with your hands. Keep in mind that if you have bangs the visual length is measured from where your bangs end to your chin. Keeping your head straight, making sure not to drop your chin, take that exact measurement length and measure that length from your chin down to your chest. If done properly, the point should be right around the middle of your chest. This balance point on your chest indicates one of the best necklace lengths for you.

How to find balance point #2 -

Your second balance point is taken by measuring the length from the widest point or your face and measuring that length to your chin. I know it sounds complicated. Look in the mirror at your face. Find the area of your face where it is the widest. For most people this is the cheekbone area; for others, however, this may be up near the forehead. Draw an imaginary horizontal line across the width of your face where you found it to be the widest. From the middle of that imaginary horizontal line, measure vertically from that point to your chin. Remember to keep your head straight, making sure not to drop your chin, and take that exact measurement and measure that length from your chin down to your chest. For most people, this point will be around the clavicle point.

This can be a tricky concept to grasp, so if you want to see an illustrated description of how to find your balance points click here http://www.bridgetteraes.com/images/Balancepoints.jpg

#3 - Focal Points

In regard to how many accessories you should wear, if you do not want to make too much of an accessory statement then keep it to a minimum, and be sure not to cluster up your accessories in one place on your body. I have a few rules of thumb that I often offer my clients. The first is, if you are wearing earrings that make a statement (like a chandeleir or a larger-sized pair) then keep your neck clean, or choose a understated necklace style. Wearing bold earrings and a bold necklace can be a bit too much. If your necklace is to be more of your statement piece, then choose earrings that are a bit more understated, such as a simple stud style.

In most situations you want people to notice you and not your accessories, so don’t distract anyone with too much going on, too far away from your face. If you are wearing a novelty belt be sure to keep your wrists relatively clear of bold bracelets. Also, to ensure that people notice you, be sure to wear a brooch, necklace or pair of earrings so that the eyes will travel up to your eyes and face, as this is where you want people to pay the most attention.

I have heard that in order to keep a balance that you should wear an odd number of accessories; that seems a bit formulaic to me, however it is something you can try. Also, there is the classic “glance before you leave” rule, which means to give yourself a quick glance in the mirror before leaving the house and whichever accessory pops out, remove it. This is simply another suggestion that I have heard, and not necessarily one that I personally preach.

#4 - Belting it

I think the classic black and brown belts are staples every woman should own. But in general, belts are tough because so many pants are low rise and it is hard to find a belt that will fit properly. Belts are also tough because many women today don’t tuck their tops in, particularly when they are wearing a fine gauge knit. However, if you are tucking in and your pants do have belt loops, be sure to wear a belt as you will look unfinished without one.

Because so many pant styles are low rise these days, instead of choosing a classic “straight” belt, opt for a contour shaped style which is cut on a bit of a curve. These belts may fit into the belt loops of lower rise pants more easily. Also, these contour-shaped belts can be worn low-slung.

With regard to color, if you want to add to the staple brown and black, purchase a belt in another color that is dominant in your wardrobe. Or you can use the Color Triple Play solution here, and find a third pop color that you can add into your outfit by adding a belt. So, for example, if you are wearing a grey pair of pants and a pink top, try a belt in a deeper cranberry shade or even a shade of green to achieve the Triple Play effect.

Novelty belts can be a fun way to add some excitement to your wardrobe. Choose a novelty belt that works with the style of your wardrobe so that it can get maximum use. You can choose a belt with a novelty buckle, a chain belt or even a belt made from fabric. I know it is a bit of a dead trend, but I still enjoy using a printed scarf as a belt.

# 5 - Shape

It is important to highlight shape in accessories, particularly earring shape. Most people don’t realize that your best earring shape is determined by the shape of your face. The oval shape is what is considered the most balanced face shape, but everyone does not have an oval-shaped face. Some people have very oblong, round, square or heart-shaped faces, for example. If you are someone whose face shape is very obvious and you want to appear more symmetrical, you can use your earring shape to balance it.

Imagine someone you know with a very round-shaped face. If this person were to wear very round earrings her face shape would look even more round. However, if she wanted to balance the roundness, choosing a longer or more oblong earring shape would balance her face by creating the optical effect of making it look longer. Conversely, someone who has a longer, narrower face would look more balanced with shorter, squatter or rounder earring shapes, and the best way to balance a more angular, square shaped face is to choose an earring style that is rounder and longer.

So the best rule to follow if your face isn’t a perfect oval, is to choose an earring shape that is the opposite shape of your face, in order to create the most symmetrical balance.

Accessorizing works best when there is some planning behind it. But remember, accessorizing is where you really can break out and have some fun too. My feeling is that your clothing should be the canvas and the accessories the paint that highlights your personality in the outfits that you wear.

(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group

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It’s a man’s world, but does it have to be?

By Bridgette Raes

A few months ago I received an interesting phone call from one of my few male newsletter readers. He told me how much he enjoyed reading every week and professed a real love for women’s clothing. At first I just figured that this gentleman had a passion for fashion, but as the conversation continued I learned that his passion and love was much deeper than I originally thought. During our conversation he confessed to being a cross dresser. We chatted further about his lifestyle and he continued to tell me about his love of feminine things, how he loves dressing like a woman and how great he feels when he embraces his feminine side.

While we were talking I looked down at myself in a T-shirt and worn-out jeans, and admitted that there are many times that I don’t reflect the woman in me through my wardrobe choices. As I reflected on this realization I said, “You know, what is interesting is how many women don’t dress in a feminine manner because they think they can’t dress feminine and be considered powerful at the same time. Is it possible that femininity is wasted on women?” I jokingly asked. “I mean, we have this great power that many of us seldom tap into.”

After I hung up the phone I found myself fixated on the topic that he and I discussed. How many women, I wondered, tend to curb their more female side at work in order to get ahead? Do women see it as a choice -- a choice between being more feminine or being taken seriously? Are women today conditioned to think that excelling in life means leaving the girl at the door?

I began to wonder where this conditioned thinking originated, and immediately pictured my mother as a young adult, smack dab in the middle of the women’s movement. Being raised by someone who lived through this era, I wasn’t raised “girly.” In fact, being girly in my home was frowned upon, because showing off my feminine side implied that I wasn’t going to be taken seriously, and if I did sway too far to the feminine side it was seen as giving away my power. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful to my mother for teaching me independence and the value of self. But like any movement (feminism being no exception) the initial push towards a change in thinking is usually very extreme. Because of the trailblazers who were the voice of change preceding us, women today no longer have to burn their bras or dress like a man in the workplace to get ahead. Today, a woman can embrace her femininity and be the CEO of a corporation at the same time. As the saying goes, “We’ve come a long way, baby.”

But some of the old thinking still lingers. As my thoughts continued on this subject, my mind turned to the classic book “Dress For Success” by John T. Molloy. This book, which is still considered one of the most popular books for women on dressing for success, implies that for a woman, powerful dressing means you have to give up being feminine.


The more I thought about this topic the more my head began to spin, and I decided to call on my friend and motivational speaker Jennifer Macaluso for an expert opinion. Jennifer offers classes (and one-on-one private sessions) exclusively for women, offering them inspiration and life tools to create the lives they imagine for themselves. I knew that if anyone could help me make sense of things, it was Jennifer.

The first thing I asked Jen was her definition of a powerful woman. Her response was that in her opinion, a powerful woman is one who knows who she is, knows what she wants and knows how to create that life for herself. She doesn’t necessarily go along with what the world says is right or “the only way.” She thinks out of the box, flips things on their heads, and finds ways to live the life of her dreams. That is inspiring and therefore powerful, and that is what she believes all women have the capacity to do.

Next, I asked Jen the exact question that I had been asking myself: Do women in our culture see it as a trade - either being feminine or being powerful – but unable to be both? And if this is the case, why she thought that might be.

Jen couldn’t agree with my observation more. She went on to say that the majority of women in the workforce believe that in order to be powerful, they must only exude male energy. Male energy is active, it's aggressive. However, without equal amounts of female energy, male energy is too much; it's unbalanced, unnatural. Female energy is passive, which has its own kind of strength; it exerts its power through attraction, rather than activity. That type of energy is equally strong, only most women don’t stop to recognize this because we’ve all been conditioned to believe that aggressive, male energy is the only energy that works. Unfortunately, that's what’s praised in our culture too. However, personal power comes from a balance between both male & female energies. Therefore, Jen thinks that for women, it’s about redefining the feminine. Women need to ask themselves, “How can I be my true self in the work force and allow my feminine energy to equally shine through in an equally powerful way?" Women can begin to do this by simply believing something new and something different, which is that female energy is powerful too!

Jen and I also agreed that right now we live in a very patriarchal time, so I asked her, “If it is considered a “man’s world” right now, what is the best way for a woman to still embrace her femininity and get ahead while living in these more masculine times?”

Jen went on to say that for her and the women she works with, she believes it is about redefining what power is for a woman. As women, we need to redefine what power means to us, not simply imitate what it means to men! That’s what most women do. They see something that works for their male counterparts in the office and think, “Hey, that worked for him, so that must be what I need to do (to be heard, to be seen, to be taken seriously, etc.)” Still, what I believe women are missing is the creation of their own mold for what works for them in their own feminine way. If more women brought their amazing female energies to the office, I think we’d all get a lot more accomplished and it would all get done in a much more pleasant way!

Being an action girl, I then asked Jen about some steps that she teaches to her students to help them better tap into their own power as women. Jen’s reply to me was “Be who you are.” Spend enough time stepping out of this crazy fast world we live in today to step into knowing what makes you, you. As you pull yourself out of the daily bump and grind for even just a few minutes each day, in that quiet space, learn to listen to the inner voice of YOU - it knows exactly what you want. And that's extremely important in being successful at work or in any area of your life because everything starts with you! People give us back only what we ask of them; no more, no less. So when you speak with people (clients, bosses, co-workers) make sure you speak with the appropriate tone, because they will match you with that tone and give it right back. In other words, if we lack self respect, our tone will communicate that, so the response we get back will mirror that same lack of self respect. Be aware of your tone when you communicate, and set a tone that speaks the image you wish to radiate.

Jen then went on to say that the majority of history is told mainly through the eyes of men, so how accurate can that be for women? This is not to say that there is not some truth to what we are taught as women, but perhaps it’s just not our experience because we are women, and as women we experience things differently. You see, unfortunately, many women throughout recorded history haven’t been allowed to share their experiences with the mainstream, so they don’t get to create an accurate picture for other women. Today women are really able to share their experiences. Still, for a long time, most everything has been seen through the eyes of the opposite sex, but today women are out there everywhere, sharing! Brooke Shields was seen on national television on Oprah, telling millions of women about her postpartum depression. How helpful to know that even famous, successful women like Brooke have less than picture perfect experiences. Even if women have certain blinders because of what we've been exposed to, women are now in the mainstream sharing our truths, and it's inspiring to see!

Jen continued on, saying that what we are discussing here is how a lot of women may not allow themselves to be who they are because they believe being feminine is not enough. We've been raised with this unspoken notion that perhaps we're not strong enough, good enough or accomplished enough - just because we're women. My wish is that all women become more true to themselves, and step into their power. The more women can trust that being feminine is strong, the greater a reality that will become for us all, because perception creates reality. As a majority population we have the opportunity to create a new reality for ourselves here! If every woman made the choice to believe they were powerful enough just as a woman, no woman would be copying how men do things. They would be too busy putting their attention on how they want to do things in their career, their office, their field. They would trust themselves and know that they are enough. On a final note, Jen shared that it is her wish for all women to know that being feminine, and exuding femininity is powerful -- and enough!

How to put the feminine back in your style

If you are a woman who has lost the feminine touch in your wardrobe, let’s explore how you can put it back. Reviewing Jen’s words of wisdom, the first thing I realized is that flipping it upside down and changing your perception of being feminine is the first powerful change a woman can make. The truth, it seems, means starting with this knowledge inside and then learning how to dress this newly found powerful realization about what it means to be a woman. If you come from the perspective that you know that you are powerful, capable, worthy and enough, what you wear will automatically start to reflect that.


Define your own feminine

Some clients of mine are much farther along the feminine path. A dear client who is the CFO of a Hedge Fund firm fully embraces her feminine side and is a self professed girly-girl. What an inspiring and powerful combination, a girly-girl CFO! She chooses to wear more feminine colors in a professional manner and chooses silhouettes that are powerful and feminine at the same time.

However, for some women, girly-girl does not evoke feelings of feminine power. If girly-girl isn’t the first word that comes to your mind when you think of embracing your feminine power, embrace your own definition of what powerful femininity looks like.

Take it slow

For some, this change may take a little time. For myself, I know that after all my years of conditioned thinking about what a powerful woman looks like, bringing the feminine into my wardrobe is not going to be an overnight change.

This happened with another client of mine who wanted to add a more feminine look to her wardrobe in an attempt to tone down her very masculine, tailored look. Every time she would try to push herself towards a feminine style that was too extreme she felt uncomfortable, so she would quickly revert back to a more masculine look. When she hired me we began slowly, and added some tiny feminine touches to her more conservative look. We chose professional suits that were cut in a more feminine style; we added hints of softer color and chose accessories to complement her more conservative look. These were changes that she could digest slowly, without feeling uncomfortable. In time her softer, more feminine style emerged. There is no one standard for feminine dressing, so if wearing a more feminine shirt under a suit or a pair of feminine shoes makes you feel that you are embracing your female side, then you are successful.

Some quick immediate actions


Bring femininity into your look through accessorizing. Instead of the sensible (more masculine) shoes, try a more feminine shoe. Feminine shoes do not equal uncomfortable, ladies!

Try adding jewelry or a great stylish handbag or an attractive belt. These small feminine touches may be all you need.

Add an element of femininity to your wardrobe through color. Again, this does not mean that you have to wear a pink suit to the office tomorrow, but perhaps you can add a softer complementary color to your more conservative look through a color worn under your suit, your accessory choices or a great separate jacket.

Try adding a hint of your feminine power to your outfit every day, in a way that makes you feel comfortable. In time you may start to notice that there is a real shift in the way you relate to others in the workplace which feels more natural than forced, because doing it this way helps you find your own natural power within.

Lastly, I asked Jen if she had any books or authors she could recommend for further reading. Her suggestions included Marianne Williamson, Dan Brown, Natalie Angier, Patricia Lynn Reilly, Gloria Steinem, Riane Eisler, Helen Fisher & Clarissa Pinkola Estes.

If you are interested in finding more out about Jennifer Macaluso’s classes you can either scroll down to the bottom of this newsletter, or visit her site at www.somethingdifferentnyc.com

(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group

Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/

Forget the rules and just wail

By Bridgette Raes

"You've got to learn your instrument. Then, you practice, practice, practice. And then, when you finally get up there on the bandstand, forget all that and just wail."
-- Charlie Parker

I like to think about this quote as it relates to developing your own style. What makes a woman stylish is learning the rules of getting dressed, and then forgetting all that and just wailing.

This may sound like a contradictory statement, especially to clients whom I have given clear-cut rules on getting dressed. I can just hear my more analytical clients now, “What do you mean forget the rules?!?!? I need the rules!!!!!” So let me preface this by saying that in order to forget the rules and just wail, you need to know the rules first. Imagine if Charlie Parker got up on stage with no idea how to play his instrument and just wailed, without knowing how to play a tune. How awful would he sound? Like Charlie Parker playing his instrument, you need to know the basic rules for getting dressed before you can just let it go. But just like anyone can learn notes and play an instrument, anyone can put clothes on and get dressed. Unique and individual style can only be successful if you know the parameters in which you can play. The difference when your style wails is in the passion, the expression and the YOU that is in what you wear. Charlie Parker had these elements in his music, and this is what made him a legend.

What I am asking you to think about this week is where you may have let the YOU slip out of your wardrobe, or whether it was ever even there in the first place. I have said countless times to clients (while going through their closets) that I could be in their neighbor’s closet and not know the difference, because there is absolutely nothing in there that reveals their unique personality or their style.

Let me give you an example. Let’s say you want to redecorate your kitchen. You know that a kitchen needs some basic elements like a refrigerator, a sink, a stove, a place to eat, maybe a dishwasher. It isn’t a kitchen without these components in the room. But your kitchen probably looks much different than the kitchen at your friend’s or neighbor’s home. You can probably admire her kitchen, but you know that this isn’t a style that you would choose for your own kitchen. The same is true with your style; the tile, the color of your refrigerator, the walls and even the kitchen table are choices that you make for yourself based on what attracts you.

There is no difference when it comes to creating your own clothing style, but somehow we get led astray when it comes to figuring out what is best for us to wear. We forget how to wail with our own style. Yes, a wardrobe needs some basic components, and you do need to know the rules that work for your own body, just like Charlie Parker needed to know how to play music.

Don’t know your style? What’s your magnetic connection?

Finding your own style isn’t something that you can locate externally. You can use external elements to inspire you and help you discover it, but dressing like someone else isn’t going to make your style wail. Finding your style takes just going to one place -- inside yourself.

In a time when we are bombarded with television shows, images and people telling us what we should and shouldn’t be wearing, buying or liking, it is hard to quiet the noise around us and just pay attention to what attracts us.

The best place to start is to look for your magnetic connections. What makes you stop and pay attention? What are the things that you like, or that make you feel good to have around? Start by asking yourself some of the basic questions of attraction like: What is your favorite color? What movies can you watch over and over again? What type of music do you love? Is there an artist whose work moves you? How do you like to spend your weekends? What really makes YOU tick? You will be amazed by how many dots start to get connected, and you may start to see a pattern in your magnetic connections that you never realized.

I remember once telling a friend that I love Tim Burton movies because there is always a visual quirkiness to them. I have also always found myself attracted to Moschino (designed by the late designer, Franco Moschino) because his clothing always had a quirky, lighthearted irreverence to it. I have a lighthearted and quirky side to my personality, and any chance I get to act silly is a good time had by me.

What my friend pointed out through all my magnetic connections and things that make me tick was that they always have a unique quirky twist, even though my style is very classically stylish. I like stylish things as long as they are partnered with some irreverent detail or visual uniqueness. When these irreverent elements are wailing is when my style is most alive, and when I am feeling like the real me is wailing.

If you are feeling daunted by the process of getting to know your magnetic connections, start by just being mindful of what you positively notice and what magnetically attracts you. A great book to consider using as a guide is a book called All About Me by Phillip Keel. This book is a journal filled with checklists and fill-in-the-blank questions divided into 25 categories, including sexuality, ego, wishes & dreams, opinions, emotions, memories, and choices. This is a great book to help you improve your self knowledge.

Another book I recommend is 10 Steps to Fashion Freedom: Discover Your Personal Style From the Inside Out by Malcolm Levene and Kate Mayfield. This style book is more a psychological voyage than fashion journey, and a great read for anyone looking to looking to go inside themselves to figure out what to wear on the outside.

Great Style - It’s in the details

By Bridgette Raes

This morning I was on the subway and as usual, I was checking out my fellow subway riders to see what they were wearing. I am often interested in what makes people choose what to wear on any given day. Sometimes I like what people have chosen to wear and other times; well, I am not always so inspired. Yes, I have said it before, I am always working.

One thing I have noticed is that the difference between someone having great style and not-so-great style is in the details of their outfit. It really is those small defining characteristics that so heavily influence how we personify our individuality.

The truth is that few of us think about the details. In most cases, if we can get ourselves out the door with matching socks and a top that doesn’t have a stain on it we consider it a good day clothing-wise. To be burdened with thinking about the finer details of an outfit can seem like the biggest hassle to take into consideration. However, there is not a single person out there who doesn’t want to feel confident that they look good. So while it may seem like a pain to think about the finer details of an outfit, this truly is, in most cases, all it takes to go from dull to diva.

#1 - How to add some pizzazz

Remember that carelessly throwing on a shirt and a pair of pants does not an outfit full of pizzazz make; at this point you have merely set the foundation. What makes an outfit look great is how you “finish the look.” So how do you do this? The next time you get dressed by simply throwing on a pair of pants and a top, look in the mirror at your outfit and identify the places where you can add some pop.

Start from your head and work downward. Look at your neck area. Can you add a colorful necklace? If not, will an eye-catching pair of earrings work instead? Move down to your chest area, will a pin or brooch do the trick? Looking at your waist, do your pants have belt loops where you can add a pop color belt or scarf at your waist? Next look at your wrists, do you have a fun bracelet that works with the outfit? Look at your feet, would a great pair of signature shoes work better than the boring pair you normally wear? Lastly, would a more eye-catching handbag really pull this outfit together?

Keep in mind that you don’t want to accessorize all of these points at the same time, but these are the points where you should be looking to add some excitement. If you wear a stunning pair of statement earrings then you wouldn’t add a novelty brooch or eye-catching necklace, because that is just too much pizzazz in one general area. You want to split up your accent points, because if they are too clustered up it can become distracting.

#2 - What is your signature?

A great way to add pizzazz to your wardrobe is to find your signature element. When trying this make sure it enhances you, and doesn’t become a conscious practice immersed in effort. If you are pulling an outfit together and then have to work to force your signature statement into your outfit whether it works or not, then you are on the road to disaster.

I have a client who is known for the great funky glasses that she changes based on her outfit choice for the day. Another client of mine is known for her handbags. I don’t think I have ever seen her with the same handbag twice. These signature statements work for both of these clients because my glasses client chooses glasses styles that work with her overall look for the day. Her glasses are an extension of her total look and as a result, they enhance what she is wearing vs. being a glaring blemish that overshadows everything else. The same is true for my handbag client, who has a personal affinity for handbags. When she chooses a handbag, she makes sure that it compliments her overall outfit.

Always remember, the signature statement of your style (the thing that you want to become known for) should always enhance your overall style not be something that overshadows everything else. Your signature element should never look forced.


#3 - Duplicate yourself

Another way to add pizzazz to your wardrobe in a way that enhances you is to duplicate yourself. What this means is to find an element of your physical characteristics that you really like, and find a way to duplicate this in your wardrobe. For example, you may be someone who has a truly distinct eye color. Is there a way that you can find colors in the way of accessories or clothing that duplicates that particular color, thereby enhancing a physical attribute that you really like? Or do you have really curly, full hair that you would like to enhance? A suggestion would be to choose clothing that is more textured or with more surface interest, thereby enhancing your signature curls.

Find a part of your physical self that you really love, and think of a way that you can duplicate it in your wardrobe.

#4 - Make it easy

Many of my clients don’t accessorize because they don’t know how, and they feel that adding accessories to their wardrobe introduces an element that will take extra time. Accessorizing does not have to be a hard task; actually, it is quite easy.

To figure out what accessories you need in your wardrobe, look at the clothing in your closet and identify the colors that you wear frequently. For example, I recently worked with a client who had a lot of green and pink shades in her wardrobe. While there were other hues in her closet, these were the two main colors. She was very daunted by buying accessories, so I suggested that she look for jewelry in different shades of greens and pinks. In addition to those colors I suggested that she also buy some jewelry in natural tones because she had a lot of shades of brown as her neutral base.

Having some clear direction is going to make shopping for accessories easier. The other thing about accessories is that you don’t need many. You can repeat accessories quite often, so your collection doesn’t have to be large at all. It will be much easier to accessorize if you have a few things in the right color palette. When this is the case you simply grab the right accessory colors for the outfit that you are wearing, and if you buy accessories based on your wardrobe colors, this should be an easy task.


#5 - Leave a lasting impression

Your ultimate goal when getting dressed is to be memorable — for all the right reasons. Everything that you choose when accessorizing should be an enhancement, not a detractor. The best way to know if you are enhancing is if people frequently tell you that you look good, rather than telling you how much they like your top, or shoes, or any other article you are wearing. Sure, it is nice to get a compliment on a great pair of shoes or a great necklace. But if people too frequently point out your clothing or accessory choices vs. noticing and commenting on your overall look, it may be worth asking whether it is you or your clothing that is making more of a statement.

(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group

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Polish How Others See You

By Bridgette Raes

I was recently speaking with a dear friend of mine who has just lost his job. If you have ever experienced job loss you know all too well that it can be a tough time, but my friend is doing his best to use his time between jobs wisely. While we were talking he told me about some great advice he had been given, which was, “Take this time to polish how other people see you.”

I thought this was great advice.

Times of transition are great times to sit back and do some reflection. While you are regrouping and getting ready for the next phase in your life, make one of these areas polishing or focusing on your outer self. This is why so many women contact me while they are in some form of transition; not only in the area of career, but in all areas. Perhaps you are a career woman who has decided to stop working to stay home and raise the kids. Or, maybe you are a mom finally going back to work. You may be someone who has just decided to start your own business, or is trying to move up in your career. Or maybe you are someone who has just ended a relationship or has gotten a divorce. Regardless of what personal transition you may be going through, polishing how other people see you is a valuable exercise.

Even if you aren’t going through transition, this is still a good idea. In fact, it is often when people aren’t going through a transition that they let their appearance slide, or find themselves a bit too comfortable with their current image and style, neglecting to notice how this can be working against them! Think this can’t possibly be the case? Think again; how many times have you experienced an unexpected change in your life and immediately considered upgrading your style?

So break out your chamois ladies, it is time to do some polishing.

Trust your gut

If you are someone who has been feeling frumpy, bored or uninspired by the way you look it is probably a good sign that it may be time to check in and do a little polishing. Most women who call me aren’t fashion nightmares, but many feel stuck and don’t know how to get unstuck. While their lives have changed their appearances have stood still. Some of them acknowledge that at one time their wardrobes really worked well, but one day they woke up and their current style just didn’t do the trick anymore.

So if something doesn’t feel right, it probably isn’t. Your next step is to find out where you are missing the mark. But if you aren’t sure how to get unstuck, it may be smart to bring in the advice of others.



It isn’t a mirror that gives you the most accurate reflection

Mirror, mirror on the wall— you know the rest. If you want to get a sense of where things are for you image-wise, don’t consult the mirror, consult others around you. We are our own worst judges when it comes to getting an accurate assessment of what is and isn’t right about the way we look. Come on, we’re women! It’s our nature to look for the flaws, right? Even if we are full of confidence and self love we still are our own worst critics, so while it is important to do a self check from time to time, it is also important to get some constructive criticism from others. I have suggested this exercise in the past and I am suggesting it again. If you are thinking that some polishing is in order for you, ask others what they think about your appearance.

If you want honesty, you must be ready to hear the good and the bad. Don’t ask unless you are ready to hear it all. You want to give your friends a safe place to tell you what they think. Defensiveness about their comments will not help the situation and you may be thwarting an opportunity to hear some valuable advice.

The reason you should ask people from different areas of your life is because you never want to take what one person says as absolute truth. Getting opinions from different areas can ensure that you are getting a good perspective on things. Like me, I am sure that you are not the same person to everyone in your life. The woman I am with my boyfriend is very different than the woman I am with my clients. I am certainly not the same person with my clients as I am with my girlfriends or family. If I were doing this exercise I would choose someone from each of these areas and ask the person I trust the most to tell me their opinions. In addition, ask people whose own style you respect.

Remember: don’t ask for feedback unless you are willing to accept absolute honesty. When you ask your friends for their feelings, tell them that it is a safe space to say whatever they want… and mean it.



Tweak and Tighten

I had a wonderful conversation yesterday with a new client. She said that she is happy with her overall style, but with the many transitions that she is going through in her life (including looking for a new job and just turning fifty) she felt that she needed to tweak and tighten her style. I told her that she sounded like 95% of most of my clients. (It is rare that the complete fashion nightmare comes knocking on my door.)

So before you throw out the baby with the bathwater, find out what it is about your current style that you really like. If you build upon what is already working you will be in much better shape than if you decide to make a sharp right. In my opinion, style is an instinctive, subconscious part of us and in most cases just needs to be updated and pulled together a bit.

My style is classic; it always has been and probably always will be. I am at an age now where I am done experimenting and trying to “find myself.” In the past when I have tried to stray from my instinctive style I always felt like I was wearing a costume. Through the years as the styles have changed and I have changed, I have always kept classic as my foundational style and have simply tweaked it a bit.

What is your foundational style, the part of you that over the years has remained constant no matter what the trend Gods were saying was right or wrong? In those times of being unsure what your style was, what have you always swum back to? It may be classic, it may be a frilly feminine style, or perhaps a modern sleek one. Whose style has attracted you consistently? This is an important question to ask yourself in finding your true style. To me, your style can’t be changed; it’s almost a part of your DNA. What can change is the tweaking and fine tuning that makes it more updated and timely, but the core remains constant.

I have had clients in amazement because in one meeting I can nab their style just by talking to them and watching their body language, how they carry themselves etc. During our first meeting I usually know what they are going to look like by the time I am done with them. Trust me, I am not some wacky shaman psychic! All I do is pay attention; it’s not that hard to pick up on someone’s natural style just by listening.

So pay attention to yourself in order to find your natural style, and after you nab it, think about how you can tweak and tighten it.

Find your buzz words

One thing I ask when starting to work with is a client is “What is the overall message that you want to send to other people?” I get a lot of different answers to this question. Some want to be powerful, approachable and friendly. Others want to be confident, pulled together and capable. The answers vary based on a client’s particular goals.

Ask yourself what is the overall message that you want to send to other people. Come up with three buzz words to describe this. These three buzz words will give you the barometer that you need when working on polishing your appearance. The next time you get dressed ask yourself, “Do I look buzz word #1, buzz word #2 and buzz word #3?” If you answer no, then keep polishing!

Tie it together

Striking the balance of a style that makes you happy while at the same time representing your goals and the message you want to send can be very tricky. Oftentimes we are stronger in one area than the other. For example, a client can have a great style that is galaxies away from what she is looking to accomplish. My client may be very pulled together for work but she feels frumpy, concerned that her inner self isn’t reflected through her clothing.

How can you find this balance? How can you tie the two together so that your style represents you, while at the same time being appropriate and properly representative of what you want to accomplish?

Believe it or not, it is important to start with the outer and then focus on the inner, not the other way around. You have to figure out where you are going before you know what you are going to wear, so to speak. So the first thing that you want to ask yourself is where you are going (figuratively, of course.) What’s the goal, what’s next for you? Does this have to be a major goal like a new career or business venture? Absolutely not. The goal can be simple, like “I want to be better respected at work,” or “I want people to know I am fun.”

After you have figured out where you are going, then it is time to dress yourself. Now that you have figured out your instinctive style, your buzz words and where you are headed you can tie it all together and create a style that includes all of these components. When you create your style within the guidelines of your goals and aspirations it is much easier to pinpoint exactly what you need to do.

(c) 2005 Bridgette Raes Style Group

Signup for our weekly newsletter where we not only offer weekly style article written by Bridgette Raes, but also include Style Q&A, Upcoming events, advice from our resident "What To Do Girl", organizing, beauty and financial tips by visiting http://www.bridgetteraes.com/